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Pages That Have No Business
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115 comedy pages across 8 categories. Celebrity leaks. Billionaire humor. Villain job applications. Fictional resumes. All written by one person who refuses to touch grass.

70+ comedy pages. A 3D game. 2,700 blog posts. One guy built this.

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Character Resumes

18 fictional characters enter the job market. HR was not consulted. LinkedIn was not ready.

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All Character Resumes

The full collection. 18 LinkedIn-style profiles that should not exist.

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John Wick

Skills: Client relations. References: Deceased.

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Steph Curry

Disrupted the league from 30 feet away. 4 rings. Drafted 7th.

Walter White

Career pivot from chemistry teacher to CEO. Career gap he'd rather not discuss.

Michael Scott

Objective: To be everyone's best friend and also their boss.

Wednesday Addams

Hobbies: Suffering. References: The dead.

Ferris Bueller

Life moves pretty fast. So does this resume.

Hermione Granger

3.9 GPA. Would have been 4.0 but someone blew up the classroom.

Darth Vader

20+ years in galactic management. Breathing sounds on Zoom.

Tony Stark

Built a suit of armor in a cave. With a box of scraps.

Ron Swanson

Skills: Woodworking. Anti-skills: Government.

The Joker

Why so serious about this job posting?

Batman

Extensive night shift experience. Own transportation.

Indiana Jones

Extensive field work. Literally.

James Bond

Clearance level: classified. Dress code: black tie.

Gandalf

Available: Never on time, but precisely when needed.

Forrest Gump

Ran a lot. Did some other stuff too. Accidentally became a billionaire.

Elle Woods

What, like it's hard?

Tony Montana

Say hello to my little resume.

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Celebrity Leaked Files

What happens when celebrities can't keep their stuff private.

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Celebrity Therapist Notes

A therapist left their notebook in a Starbucks. Keanu was discharged for being too healthy.

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Celebrity WiFi Passwords

Buffett's network is BUY_AND_HOLD_FOREVER. His router is from Circuit City.

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Celebrity Report Cards

Einstein failed gym. Kanye gave himself an A+. The Rock's teacher wrote 'Please stop flexing.'

Celebrity Google History

What celebrities actually type into Google when nobody's watching.

Celebrity Uber Ratings

Driver reviews included. The Rock tips 500%. Kanye got 1 star.

Celebrity Spotify Wrapped

Their top artists, minutes listened, and most-played guilty pleasures.

Celebrity Dating Profiles

Swiping right on fame. Every bio is worse than the last.

Celebrity Netflix Queues

What they're bingeing when the cameras are off.

Celebrity Voicemails

You have 1 new message. It's unhinged.

Celebrity DMV Visits

Nobody is special at the DMV. Nobody.

Celebrity GPS Histories

Where they actually go vs where they say they go.

Celebrity Sleep Schedules

When they wake up, when they crash, what they do at 3am.

Celebrity Amazon Reviews

5 stars. Would recommend to anyone trying to look normal.

Celebrity Gym Behavior

An investigation into what celebrities actually do at the gym.

Celebrity Workout Routines

The real routines behind the Instagram posts.

Celebrity Cooking Shows

What happens when famous people try to cook on camera.

Celebrity LinkedIn Posts

Thought leadership from people who should not be on LinkedIn.

Celebrity Out-of-Office

Auto-replies that reveal too much.

Celebrity Weather Forecasts

If celebrities delivered the weather report.

Celebrity TED Talks

Ideas worth spreading. Questionable sources.

Celebrity Podcast Episodes

Welcome to the show. Things go sideways fast.

Celebrity Escape Rooms

Locked in a room. Personalities collide.

Celebrity Autopilot Moves

The signature moves they do without thinking.

Celebrity Superpowers

If celebrities had actual superpowers based on their personalities.

Celebrity Apology Templates

The Notes App apology generator. Step 1: screenshot.

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Billionaire Humor

What happens when you have more money than sense.

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The Billionaire Group Chat

Elon bought it. Warren can't make the letters bigger. Zuck scraped everyone's photos.

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Billionaire Tinder Profiles

24 dating bios from the world's richest. Elon's says 'Will literally send you to Mars.' Swipe at your own risk.

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Billionaire Airbnb Listings

5 bedrooms. 12 bathrooms. Zuck's listing has hidden cameras. No reviews yet.

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Billionaire Yelp Responses

When billionaire business owners clap back at 1-star reviews. Bezos responds in 3 words.

Billionaire Text Messages

Leaked private conversations. Read at your own risk.

Billionaire Yelp Reviews

1 star. The yacht marina didn't have oat milk.

Billionaire PowerPoints

Slide decks that should never have been made.

Billionaire D&D Campaign

Roll for initiative. Elon plays a chaotic neutral warlock.

Billionaire Board Game Night

What happens when the ultra-rich play Monopoly.

Billionaire Grocery Lists

What they actually put in the cart.

Billionaire Amazon Carts

Their checkout pages would break your browser.

Billionaire Daily Routines

4am ice baths and gratitude journals. The whole cliche.

Billionaire Routines Ranked

Whose morning routine actually works?

Billionaire First Jobs

Before the billions, they were flipping burgers.

Billionaire Failures

The disasters before the empires.

Billionaire Pet Peeves

Even billionaires get annoyed by slow WiFi.

Billionaire Fortune Cookies

Wisdom from the world's richest. In cookie form.

Billionaire Loading Screens

If billionaires were loading screen tips.

Billionaire IKEA Trip

They've never assembled furniture in their lives.

Billionaire Investing Strategies

How they actually think about money.

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Fictional Characters Gone Corporate

11 supervillains applied for real jobs. HR had questions.

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Thanos — Population Control Consultant

Reducing overhead by exactly 50%. Full resume and interview.

Voldemort — School Principal

References: None alive.

The Joker — Event Planner

Every event ends in chaos. 5-star reviews.

Darth Vader — Middle Manager

I find your lack of KPIs disturbing.

Loki — HR Consultant

Specializing in organizational restructuring via deception.

Hans Gruber — Negotiator

Benefits: Exceptional.

Sauron — Project Manager

One ring to rule them all. One Gantt chart.

Agent Smith — IT Support

Have you tried turning it off and on again, Mr. Anderson?

Doctor Doom — CEO

Doom does not do group interviews.

Magneto — Recycling Director

Metal separation specialist. 100% efficiency.

Maleficent — Party Planner

If I'm not invited, nobody has a good time.

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Resignation Letters

10 fictional characters quit their jobs. In character.

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Darth Vader

Effective immediately, I resign from the Galactic Empire.

Jar Jar Binks

Meesa done with the Senate.

Dobby

A sock taped to the page.

Gollum

Written entirely in third person.

Hermione Granger

12 pages. Double-spaced. With citations.

Snape

Always.

C-3PO

The probability of this resignation going well is 3,720 to 1.

Stormtrooper

I can't hit anything. Literally. Not one thing.

Samwise Gamgee

I carried you up a mountain, Mr. Frodo. I'm going home.

Kronk

The angel on my shoulder said quit.

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Wikipedia Edits by Fictional Characters

Someone keeps vandalizing Wikipedia. Suspects identified.

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Batman

Keeps editing his own page. Added 'World's Greatest Detective' 47 times.

Thanos

Deleted exactly half the article.

Shrek

Added a subsection about layers to every page.

Darth Vader

Removed all mentions of Anakin Skywalker.

Tony Stark

Changed every reference to 'genius' to include 'billionaire playboy philanthropist.'

Hermione

Actually improved every article. With citations.

James Bond

Classified. Most edits redacted.

Forrest Gump

Accidentally appears in every historical event page.

Jack Sparrow

Added 'Captain' before every name.

Gandalf

YOU SHALL NOT PASS this edit review.

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Star Wars Writes Things

11 Star Wars characters using modern technology they absolutely should not have access to.

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Star Wars Writes (Hub)

The full index. Vader on Yelp. Obi-Wan's passive-aggressive emails. Palpatine's LinkedIn.

Vader's Yelp Reviews

1 star. 'The thermal exhaust port was an obvious design flaw.'

Obi-Wan's Emails

Per my last message, Anakin, you were the chosen one.

Palpatine's LinkedIn

Open to opportunities. Specialties: unlimited power.

Yoda's Life Coach Page

Do or do not. $500/hour.

C-3PO's Amazon Reviews

The odds of this product working are approximately 3,720 to 1.

Han Solo's Dating Profile

Bio: I know.

Boba Fett's Invoices

Itemized. No refunds. Don't disintegrate them, he said.

Jar Jar's TED Talk

Meesa changing the galaxy, one talk at a time.

Leia's Unsent Texts

Drafted. Deleted. Drafted again.

Chewbacca's Therapy Notes

Session transcript: RRWWWGG. Therapist: Tell me more.

Stormtrooper HR Complaints

Filed 47 complaints. Hit zero targets.

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Viral Rankings & Pop Culture

Definitive rankings of things that don't need ranking. Plus movie reimaginations.

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Viral Internet Legends

Sweet Brown. Double Rainbow Guy. Cash Me Outside made $50M. 25 accidental celebrities, ranked.

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Jersey Shore Superpowers

All 9 roommates scored /30. Snooki is indestructible. GTL is a productivity framework.

Movie Slack Channels

If movie characters used Slack. #general is chaos.

Movie Group Chats

The group chat for The Office, Marvel, and more.

Movie Meetings

If movie scenes were actually corporate meetings.

Movie Rankings

Definitive. Non-negotiable. Fight me.

Star Wars Conspiracies

Palpatine killed Padme and other theories that ruin your childhood.

History as Reality TV

10 historical eras reimagined as reality shows. Pirates got voted off.

960+ Pages and Counting

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Share the Chaos

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Comedy Fuel

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Comedy Writing Books

Learn the craft behind the chaos. The best books on writing comedy.

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The Office — Complete Series

The show that made Michael Scott's resume possible.

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Star Wars — Original Trilogy

Vader's Yelp reviews make more sense once you've watched these.

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More to Explore

Top Pick

Character Resumes Hub

18 fictional characters entered the job market. The full collection with LinkedIn-style profiles.

157 Billionaire Profiles

What the world's most successful people got right. Ranked and profiled.

3D Kitesurfing Game

Play a full 3D kitesurfing game in your browser. VR supported.

Blog Archive

2,700+ posts spanning 15+ years. Investing, markets, life, and everything.

Pages That Have No BusinessExisting

Character Resumes

All Character Resumes

John Wick

Steph Curry

Walter White

Michael Scott

Wednesday Addams

Ferris Bueller

Hermione Granger

Darth Vader

Tony Stark

Ron Swanson

The Joker

Batman

Indiana Jones

James Bond

Gandalf

Forrest Gump

Elle Woods

Tony Montana

Celebrity Leaked Files

Celebrity Therapist Notes

Celebrity WiFi Passwords

Celebrity Report Cards

Celebrity Google History

Celebrity Uber Ratings

Celebrity Spotify Wrapped

Celebrity Dating Profiles

Celebrity Netflix Queues

Celebrity Voicemails

Celebrity DMV Visits

Celebrity GPS Histories

Celebrity Sleep Schedules

Celebrity Amazon Reviews

Celebrity Gym Behavior

Celebrity Workout Routines

Celebrity Cooking Shows

Celebrity LinkedIn Posts

Celebrity Out-of-Office

Celebrity Weather Forecasts

Celebrity TED Talks

Celebrity Podcast Episodes

Celebrity Escape Rooms

Celebrity Autopilot Moves

Celebrity Superpowers

Celebrity Apology Templates

Billionaire Humor

The Billionaire Group Chat

Billionaire Tinder Profiles

Billionaire Airbnb Listings

Billionaire Yelp Responses

Billionaire Text Messages

Billionaire Yelp Reviews

Billionaire PowerPoints

Billionaire D&D Campaign

Billionaire Board Game Night

Billionaire Grocery Lists

Billionaire Amazon Carts

Billionaire Daily Routines

Billionaire Routines Ranked

Billionaire First Jobs

Billionaire Failures

Billionaire Pet Peeves

Billionaire Fortune Cookies

Billionaire Loading Screens

Billionaire IKEA Trip

Billionaire Investing Strategies

Fictional Characters Gone Corporate

Thanos — Population Control Consultant

Voldemort — School Principal

The Joker — Event Planner

Darth Vader — Middle Manager

Loki — HR Consultant

Hans Gruber — Negotiator

Sauron — Project Manager

Agent Smith — IT Support

Doctor Doom — CEO

Magneto — Recycling Director

Maleficent — Party Planner

Pages That Have No Business
Existing