10
Fictional Profiles
0
Real Job Offers
47
Endorsements Given
100%
Unemployable
From the Desk of HR
RE: Unsolicited Applications
To whom it may concern: we have received 10 applications that we are legally required to acknowledge but strongly wish we could pretend never arrived. One applicant listed "pencil proficiency" as a core competency. Another's resume includes "breathing exercises" under skills and "team motivation through fear" under leadership philosophy.
We have forwarded the applications to our legal team, our insurance provider, and in one case, the Galactic Senate. Below you will find the complete files. We are not responsible for what you read next.
The Applicants
10 fictional characters. 0 qualified. Full resumes, skills, endorsements, and recommendations on each page.
"People keep asking if I'm back. Yeah, I'm thinking I'm back. Also, I updated my LinkedIn."
— John Wick, Freelance Problem Solver
Application Statistics
Most Overqualified
Hermione Granger — submitted a 47-page resume with appendices, footnotes, and a bibliography. The bibliography had its own bibliography.
Highest Body Count (on Resume)
John Wick — listed "300+ successful client engagements" under experience. HR flagged this. John Wick flagged HR.
Most Concerning Interview
The Joker — arrived with no appointment, no resume, and a very detailed plan for "restructuring the organization." Security was called. Security did not arrive.
Best Dressed Applicant
Elle Woods — arrived in a pink Chanel suit with a chihuahua and a 172 LSAT score. The chihuahua also had a resume. It was better than most of the other applicants.
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