Tyrion Lannister
Hand of the King / Chief Strategy Officer

Q: Thank you for coming in, Lord Tyrion. Can you start by telling us about yourself?

Tyrion: Certainly. I am Tyrion Lannister. I have served as Hand of the King twice, Master of Coin once, and defendant in two separate murder trials. I am, depending on whom you ask, either the most capable administrator in Westeros or the worst thing to happen to the Lannister family name. Given my family, I consider both of those compliments.

Q: Your resume lists 'I drink and I know things' as a professional methodology. Can you elaborate?

Tyrion: It is not a methodology so much as an observation. I have found that wine clarifies the mind in ways that sobriety cannot. Sober men start wars. Sober men hold grudges. Sober men build walls. A man with a cup of Arbor gold in his hand sees the world as it actually is — complicated, absurd, and desperately in need of someone who can hold two contradictory ideas at once without reaching for a sword.

Q: You were accused of murdering King Joffrey. How do you address that in a professional context?

Tyrion: I did not murder Joffrey. I was accused, tried, found guilty, and sentenced to death by my own father, in a trial that made a mockery of justice even by Westerosi standards. However — and I want to be very clear about this — if I had done it, it would have been the single greatest contribution to public governance in the history of the Seven Kingdoms. I didn't. But if I had.

Q: Tell us about your greatest professional achievement.

Tyrion: The Battle of the Blackwater. Stannis Baratheon sailed a fleet of 200 ships to King's Landing. The king was hiding. The Kingsguard was useless. The walls were undermanned. I devised a plan using wildfire — essentially napalm — delivered by a single ship into the heart of their fleet. I then led the sortie myself. I was 4 feet tall, holding a borrowed axe, charging out of a gate against professional soldiers. We held the city. I received a scar across my face and a demotion. The history books mention my father arriving with the cavalry. They do not mention me. This is, I believe, a transferable experience for anyone in middle management.

Q: How do you handle working with difficult leadership?

Tyrion: I served Joffrey Baratheon. The boy once had a man's tongue removed for singing the wrong song. He fired crossbow bolts at servants for entertainment. He made his fiancée look at her father's severed head. And I kept the kingdom running. If you have a CEO who sends passive-aggressive Slack messages, I think I'll manage.

Q: What about your relationship with your family?

Tyrion: My mother died giving birth to me. My father told me this at every opportunity. My sister has tried to have me killed on at least four occasions. My brother is the only person in my family who loved me, and he did so despite enormous social pressure not to. I eventually killed my father with a crossbow. In a privy. I am not going to pretend this is a strength. But I will say that anyone who survives the Lannister family dinner table can survive any boardroom in the world.

Q: Where do you see yourself in five years?

Tyrion: Alive. That may sound like a low bar, but in my line of work, it is a genuinely ambitious target. Beyond that, I would like to build something that lasts — a government, an institution, a legacy that is not built on fear or gold or whose family name is on the door. I have spent my entire life being underestimated. I would very much like to spend the next five years proving that the person everyone dismissed was the one holding everything together.

Q: Any final thoughts?

Tyrion: I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards, and broken things. In my experience, they are the ones who actually get the work done. If your organization values competence over pedigree, wit over brute force, and results over appearances — well, I'm your man. Just keep the wine cellar stocked.