Dwight K. Schrute
Assistant (to the) Regional Manager

Regional Manager (Promoted Season 9)

Dunder Mifflin Paper Company • Scranton, PA

Previously: Assistant (to the) Regional Manager • 2005 – 2013

Top Salesman: 13 out of 17 years

• • #1 salesman in the entire company 13 out of 17 years. The 4 years I didn't win were due to sabotage by Jim Halpert and/or a rigged system. Documentation available upon request.
• • Served as Assistant (to the) Regional Manager for 8 years before rightful promotion. The parentheses are disputed.
• • Implemented a points-based discipline system for the office. Demerits, citations, and verbal warnings issued on a rolling basis. 100% compliance rate (disputed by HR).
• • Maintained office security including confiscation of unauthorized birthday decorations, surveillance of Jim Halpert's desk area, and a weapons cache for emergency situations
• • Saved the company $60K annually through aggressive client retention and the elimination of unnecessary office expenses such as "fun" and "morale"

Owner & Operator, Schrute Farms Bed & Breakfast

Schrute Farms • Honesdale, PA

1812 – Present (Family-Operated for 200+ Years)

• • 60-acre working beet farm producing over 9 tons of premium beets annually. Beets are the most versatile root vegetable. This is not an opinion. It is a fact.
• • Operates an agritourism bed & breakfast experience. Activities include: beet picking, table making, mattress rotation, and a self-guided cemetery tour
• • TripAdvisor rating: "Horrifying." I consider this a compliment. Comfort breeds weakness.
• • Maintains a working outhouse, root cellar, and manure lagoon. These are features, not bugs.
• • Has hosted weddings (1), corporate retreats (0 — they don't know what they're missing), and a memorable overnight stay by Jim and Pam that I do not wish to discuss further

Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy

Lackawanna County Sheriff's Office • Scranton, PA

2005 – Present

• • Volunteer deputy with full (self-proclaimed) arrest authority. Badge is real. Jurisdiction is debated.
• • Conducted 47 citizen's arrests, 44 of which were overturned. The 3 that stuck were my proudest moments.
• • Maintain a detailed incident log of all suspicious activity in the Dunder Mifflin parking lot, including 12 entries about Jim's "suspicious lunch behavior"
• • Completed a ride-along that was described by the actual deputy as "the longest 4 hours of my life"

Top salesman at Dunder Mifflin Scranton 13 out of 17 years. Would have been 17 out of 17 if Jim Halpert hadn't cheated. He cheated. I have documentation.

Owner-operator of Schrute Farms, a 60-acre working beet farm established in 1812 by my ancestors Dwide Schrude. We produce over 9 tons of beets annually. Also agritourism. Table-making. Manure.

Purple belt in Goju-Ryu karate. Sensei Ira says I would have had my black belt by now if I stopped 'trying to fight the other students outside of class.' I disagree with his assessment.

I can skin a mule deer in under 10 minutes. I have 14 knives on my person at all times. I have a detailed bug-out plan for 7 different apocalypse scenarios. The eighth scenario is bears. I have a separate plan for bears.

I have been Michael's #1 for 14 years. I would take a bullet for Michael. I would take a sword for Michael. I would take a nunchuck for Michael. He is the greatest manager in the history of paper.

I don't understand why this is on the assessment. Social skills are irrelevant. What matters is whether you can sell paper, grow beets, and survive a wolf attack. I can do all three simultaneously.

False. I am the most humble person in this office. Possibly the most humble person in the entire Lackawanna County tri-county area. No one is more humble than I am. That is a fact.

I understand sarcasm perfectly. For example: 'Oh great, Dwight is talking about beets again.' That is not sarcasm. That is a genuine expression of enthusiasm. People love hearing about beets.

"Dwight is my right-hand man. He is my Scottie Pippen. My Samwise Gamgee. My Robin. Actually, he's more like my Alfred — he does everything and I get the credit, and we're both fine with that arrangement. Dwight once drove 4 hours to pick me up from a gas station in the middle of the night because I got lost on the way to a sales call. He didn't ask why I was at a gas station at 2 AM. He just came. That's loyalty. That's Dwight. Would I recommend him? I would recommend him for any job in the world. Except my job. That one's mine. But every other job? Dwight's your guy. He's the best. After me."

"Dwight is... wow, where do I start. He is without question the most dedicated employee I have ever seen. And I mean that in the way where you're like, 'should we be concerned?' He once stayed at the office for 72 hours straight to guard a shipment of premium card stock. It was worth maybe $200. He slept under his desk with a flashlight and a sword. An actual sword. Is Dwight good at his job? Absolutely. Is Dwight the person I would want next to me in a crisis? Depends on the crisis. If it involves bears, absolutely. If it involves normal human interaction, absolutely not. But I will say this: the office was never boring with Dwight. And I mean that as a compliment. Mostly."

"He is... adequate. His work ethic is acceptable. His beet farm is well-maintained. His cat knowledge is surprisingly thorough for someone who claims to prefer dogs. I have no further comment. This endorsement should not be interpreted as anything other than a professional assessment. I am not emotionally compromised. Please stop asking follow-up questions. [Note from HR: Angela requested this endorsement be printed on lavender paper. She also asked for Dwight's current phone number 'for professional follow-up purposes.']"

Q: Mr. Schrute, thank you for coming in. Tell us about yourself.

Dwight: My name is Dwight Kurt Schrute III. I am the top salesman at Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, Scranton branch. I am also the owner and sole proprietor of Schrute Farms, a 60-acre beet farm that has been in my family for over 200 years. I am a Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy for Lackawanna County. I hold a purple belt in Goju-Ryu karate. I am 6'1", 185 pounds, with excellent night vision. I have a resting heart rate of 40 beats per minute. That is not a typo. My blood type is B-positive, which is also my life philosophy. I am ready for any question you have. I am also ready for any attack you may launch.

Q: What would you say is your greatest professional achievement?

Dwight: I have been the top salesman at Dunder Mifflin 13 out of 17 years. I outsell every branch in the Northeast. I once closed a deal while actively fighting off a bat that had infiltrated the office. The client didn't even know about the bat. That is professionalism. I also once managed the entire office for three months while Michael was at improv class, and productivity increased by 17%. I was not given credit for this. I have a file.

Q: How do you handle conflict with coworkers?

Dwight: Swiftly and decisively. I have a three-step conflict resolution protocol. Step one: verbal warning. Step two: written warning placed in their permanent file, which I maintain independently of HR. Step three: I stare at them until they submit. This has a 94% success rate. The 6% failure rate is entirely attributable to Jim Halpert, who is immune to staring because he has no shame. Jim is my nemesis. He puts my stapler in Jell-O. He impersonates me. He once convinced me that the CIA was recruiting me. It was not the CIA. It was Jim. With a fake fax. From myself. From the future.

Q: Tell us about your leadership style.

Dwight: I lead through fear, loyalty, and superior beet-based nutrition. My leadership model is based on the wolf pack. I am the alpha. The other salespeople are the betas. Toby is the omega. Every morning I arrive at the office at 5:45 AM and conduct a perimeter check. I then review all overnight communications, sharpen my letter opener, and prepare a threat assessment for the day. By the time my coworkers arrive at 9:00 AM, I have already accomplished more than they will accomplish all week.

Q: What do you know about bears?

Dwight: Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. That is all I will say on the matter. [Long pause.] Fine. Black bears are the most common bear in Northeastern Pennsylvania. They can run at speeds up to 35 miles per hour and have a bite force of 800 PSI. I have personally encountered 14 bears on my property. I defeated 13 of them through a combination of tactical positioning and loud vocalizations. The 14th was a cub. I let it go. I am not a monster. The mother bear and I have an understanding.

Q: Where do you see yourself in five years?

Dwight: Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. Owner of a fully operational 100-acre beet farm with agritourism revenue exceeding $200K annually. Full Sheriff's Deputy, not volunteer. Black belt in three martial arts. Also, I will have trained my son, Philip, in the Schrute family traditions, including table-making, beet cultivation, and the proper way to slaughter a goose. In 10 years, I will be running the company. In 20 years, I will be running the county. In 30 years, the bears will answer to me.

Q: Do you have any weapons at your desk right now?

Dwight: I have several weapons secured at my desk at all times. This is standard operating procedure. A pepper spray canister (industrial grade, not the civilian kind). Nunchucks. A throwing star collection (12 pieces, Japanese steel). A crossbow in the trunk of my Trans Am. A medieval mace replica that is not a replica. And my hands, which are registered with no one because that is not a real thing, but if it were, they would be registered. Safety is not a joke, Jim.

Q: Finally, what makes you the right candidate for this position?

Dwight: I am the right candidate for every position. I am Dwight K. Schrute. I am the top salesman in the company. I can run a farm, run an office, and run a 5K in under 22 minutes. I have never taken a sick day. I have never taken a vacation day. I came to work the day after my appendix burst because I performed the surgery myself. That last part is not true, but I would have if the doctors had let me. The point is: I am ready. I have always been ready. Question is — are you ready for me?