Forrest Gump

Created article. Listed all historical events. Wrote: 'That's all I have to say about that.'

“Mama always said Wikipedia is like a box of chocolates.”

Added [citation needed] to ALL 47 historical claims

“Automated check: No single person could have been present at all these events.”

Verified Medal of Honor claim. Added: 'I was there. He carried me. It's all true.'

“Every word of this insane article is accurate. I have the prosthetic legs to prove it.”

Error: All [citation needed] claims verified upon investigation. Bot confused.

“SYSTEM ERROR: All claims flagged as implausible have been independently verified. This should not be possible. Requesting manual review.”

Manual review: 'These are all... true? Every single one?'

“I have spent two hours cross-referencing this article with historical records. It all checks out. I need to sit down.”

Added to 'Business Career': 'Lt. Dan invested in some kind of fruit company. Then we didn't have to worry about money no more.'

“I don't know much about the fruit company but Lt. Dan said we were millionaires.”

Nominated article for deletion: 'This reads like fiction. No human being has done all these things.'

“This has to be a hoax article. One person cannot have taught Elvis to dance, played football for Bear Bryant, won the Medal of Honor, started ping-pong diplomacy, exposed Watergate, AND been an early Apple investor.”

Rejected deletion. All claims verified. Article marked: 'This sounds fake but is entirely real.'

“I understand the skepticism. I share it. But every single claim has been independently verified. This man simply... did all of these things. Somehow.”

Added to 'Personal Life': 'Jenny was my best good friend. We got married and had a boy named Forrest.'

“I miss Jenny.”

No edits made. Just added a comment: 'That last edit made me cry. This is not professional but I am documenting it.'

“We are all human.”

SkepticalEditor_99

I have been editing Wikipedia for 12 years. I have never seen an article that looks this much like obvious vandalism and is entirely true. This man taught Elvis to dance. He exposed Watergate BY ACCIDENT. He started US-China relations through PING-PONG. He is an early Apple investor who doesn't know what Apple is. Every fact has been verified. I am having an existential crisis.

LtDanTaylor

I served with Forrest in Vietnam. He carried me through a jungle while being shot at. He then came back for four more soldiers. I lost both legs and he visited me every day until I told him to leave. Then he started a shrimp company and named it after a dead man. Everything on this page is true and if anything it undersells him.

ForrestGump1

I just want to say that writing about yourself on the computer is real nice. Mama would have liked this. She always said life was like a box of chocolates. I put that on the page too but someone took it off because they said it was 'not encyclopedic.' I don't know what that means but it sounds important.

Admin_Wikipedia

I am restoring the chocolates quote. I know it doesn't meet our standard editorial guidelines. I don't care. Some things are more important than guidelines.

HistoryVerifier_Bot

SYSTEM NOTICE: This article has caused the verification bot to enter an infinite loop. The bot flags claims as implausible, verifies them, flags them again because they should be implausible, re-verifies them, and repeats. The bot has been running for 6 hours. We are shutting it down for its own wellbeing.

ForrestGump1

Is the robot okay? I hope the robot is okay. Sometimes things just need to rest. When I was tired of running, I just stopped. Maybe the robot should stop too.