Gandalf
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (this article has been a stub for 3,000 years)
ℹ️ This article is a stub. It has been a stub since the Third Age. Multiple editors have attempted to expand it. All additions have been reverted by the subject, who insists that “brevity is the soul of wizardry.” This is not a real quote from any known source. [citation needed]
Gandalf
Gandalf
Gandalf is a wizard. [citation needed]
[This is the entire biography section. It has been this way since 2003. Over 200 attempts to expand it have been reverted.]
Powers and Abilities
Gandalf possesses immense magical abilities including control over fire, light, and lightning; the ability to communicate with animals; enhanced swordsmanship; resurrection; and the power to battle Balrogs, ancient demons of shadow and flame various powers. [vague]
[Editor note: Tolkien_Scholar_42 spent four hours writing a comprehensive powers section with 23 citations from published Tolkien texts. Gandalf replaced it with the word 'various' within 60 seconds.]
Punctuality
A wizard is never late. [dubious] He arrives precisely when he means to. [self-sourced]
Gandalf arrived three days late to Frodo's departure from the Shire, nearly resulting in the death of all hobbits involved and the possible victory of Sauron.
Gandalf arrived at the Shire at the optimal moment, as determined by wizardly calculations too complex to explain here.
He also arrived late to Helm's Deep, during which hundreds of soldiers died waiting for reinforcements.
He arrived at Helm's Deep at dawn on the third day, exactly as specified. If people died before dawn on the third day, that is a scheduling issue, not a punctuality issue.
Fireworks
Gandalf makes really good fireworks.
[This is the only section Gandalf has never edited. He appears to find it acceptable.]
HEdit History
Changed date of birth from '~1000 TA' to 'Before most things, after some things'
“More accurate.”
Added: 'Gandalf is one of the five Istari sent to Middle-earth by the Valar circa 1000 TA'
“Adding verified lore from Unfinished Tales.”
Reverted. Changed back to 'old enough'
“A wizard does not disclose his exact vintage.”
Re-added Istari origin information with 6 citations
“This is verifiable. Tolkien wrote this. It's in the books.”
Reverted. Replaced entire biography with 'He is a wizard.'
“All that is needed is written. All that is written is needed.”
Reported Gandalf_theWhite as sockpuppet of Gandalf_theGrey
“This is clearly the same user with a different hat.”
Dismissed sockpuppet report
“Investigation found these are technically the same being in a different form. This is allowed under our reincarnation policy.”
Added to 'Punctuality' section: 'Gandalf is frequently late.'
“He missed my birthday party setup by three days.”
Reverted. Added: 'A wizard is never late. He arrives precisely when he means to.'
“This is a matter of public record.”
Added: 'Gandalf makes really good fireworks'
“He does though”
TTalk Page: “This Article Is Three Words Long”
This discussion has been ongoing since the Third Age.
Tolkien_Scholar_42
I have a PhD in Tolkien Studies from Oxford. I have read the Silmarillion fourteen times. I have cross-referenced every mention of Gandalf across all published works. And this man will not let me add a single fact to his page. His ENTIRE biography section says 'He is a wizard.' That is not an encyclopedia entry. That is a fortune cookie.
Gandalf_theWhite
And yet it is complete.
Tolkien_Scholar_42
IT IS THREE WORDS.
Gandalf_theWhite
Many that are verbose deserve to be concise. Some that are concise deserve verbosity. Can you give it to them? Do not be so eager to pad word counts. Even the very wise cannot see all page lengths.
Admin_Elrond
I called a council to resolve this dispute. The council has determined that Gandalf's page may remain vague, as the subject is technically an immortal being and our standard biographical format does not accommodate divine entities. We are updating our policies.
Saruman_theWise
I would like to note that MY Wikipedia page has full biographical details, 47 citations, and a properly formatted infobox. Some of us take our online presence seriously.
Gandalf_theWhite
And how did that work out for you.
📜 Administrator Notice
After extensive deliberation, the Wikipedia Arbitration Committee has ruled that Gandalf's page may remain as a three-word stub. The Committee notes that the subject is “technically older than the concept of encyclopedias” and that forcing biographical details on an immortal being constitutes “an epistemological overreach.” User Tolkien_Scholar_42 has been offered counseling.
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