Crack Open Some Wisdom
BILLIONAIRE
FORTUNE COOKIES
You crack open a fortune cookie at a restaurant. Instead of “A pleasant surprise is in store for you,” you get unsolicited life advice from Warren Buffett. It goes exactly how you'd expect.
> Opening fortune_cookie.exe...
> Loading billionaire_opinions.dll...
> Warning: Charlie Munger says you are an idiot...
> 66 fortunes loaded. Lucky numbers questionable.
A great investment will find you, but first, finish your McGriddle.
Lucky Numbers
1930, 2024, $100B
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复利 (fùlì) — Compound Interest
You will find what you seek in the cereal aisle. Sincerely, Peter Lynch and also Me.
Lucky Numbers
5.25%, 10-K, 13-F
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耐心 (nàixīn) — Patience
Someone will offer you crypto today. Say no. Say it twice.
Lucky Numbers
0, 0, 0
Back of Slip
In bed... you will also say no to crypto.
The secret to wealth is compound interest. The secret to compound interest is time. The secret to time is Cherry Coke and bridge.
Lucky Numbers
52, 13, 1965
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可乐 (kělè) — Cola
Your circle of competence is smaller than you think. Stay inside it. Especially at buffets.
Lucky Numbers
BRK.A, BRK.B, 694,280
X Cookie Co. (formerly Twitter Cookies, formerly Fortune Corp)
🚀 Elon Musk
Arrives 3 years late. Shape keeps changing. Still somehow exciting.
Your future is on Mars. Estimated arrival: 2025. Updated arrival: 2028. Updated again: 2035. Check back.
Lucky Numbers
420, 69, X
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火星 (huǒxīng) — Mars
Delete your account. No wait, buy the platform first, THEN delete everyone else's account.
Lucky Numbers
$44B, 80%, 1
Back of Slip
This fortune was previously called a different fortune.
You will disrupt an industry today. You will also tweet about it and lose $14 billion tomorrow.
Lucky Numbers
TSLA, 420, SEC
Sleep is overrated. So are safety regulations. Ship it.
Lucky Numbers
3am, 4am, 5am
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失眠 (shīmián) — Insomnia
Amazon Fortune Cookies (Subscribe & Save — $2.99/month)
📦 Jeff Bezos
Arrives before you ordered it. Packed in 4x too much box.
Your next package will arrive before you order it. We already know.
Lucky Numbers
Prime, 2-day, $0 shipping
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包裹 (bāoguǒ) — Package
It is always Day 1. If it feels like Day 2, you are about to get a 6-page memo.
Lucky Numbers
1, 1, 1
Back of Slip
This fortune was tested on 4,000 focus groups.
Your regret minimization framework indicates you should eat this cookie. Proceed.
Lucky Numbers
1994, 2024, 1T
Customers who opened this cookie also opened: bankruptcy proceedings.
Lucky Numbers
AMZN, 200B, Day 1
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第一天 (dì yī tiān) — Day One
Munger's No-Nonsense Cookie Emporium
📚 Charlie Munger
Hard exterior. Harder interior. No sugar coating. Ever.
You are an idiot. This is not a fortune, it is a fact. Improve yourself.
Lucky Numbers
0 (luck is irrelevant)
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读书 (dúshū) — Read Books
The best thing that could happen to you is reading more. The second best is shutting up.
Lucky Numbers
500+ books/year
Back of Slip
If you flipped this over looking for encouragement, you won't find it.
Your lucky numbers are irrelevant. Nothing about luck is relevant. Work harder.
Lucky Numbers
N/A (see fortune)
Invert, always invert. Instead of asking how to succeed, ask how to fail. Then do not do that. You are welcome.
Lucky Numbers
99, 2.6B, 1
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智慧 (zhìhuì) — Wisdom
This cookie contains approximately 3 calories of wisdom. Most people will waste it. You included, probably.
Lucky Numbers
BRK, DJC, 0 crypto
Meta Fortune Cookies (Now in VR!)
🥽 Mark Zuckerberg
The cookie is a hologram. You cannot eat it. It cost $36 billion to develop.
This fortune is better experienced in the Metaverse. Please put on your $1,500 headset to read it.
Lucky Numbers
META, VR, $36B loss
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元宇宙 (yuán yǔzhòu) — Metaverse
Move fast and break things. Including this cookie. And democracy. And your users' trust. And the Metaverse budget.
Lucky Numbers
2.9B users, 0 friends
Your data says you were going to pick this cookie. We suggested it. You are welcome.
Lucky Numbers
FB, IG, WA
Back of Slip
This fortune has been shared with 47 advertisers.
Icahn's Hostile Cookie Takeover LLC
⚔️ Carl Icahn
He did not make this cookie. He took it from someone who did.
This fortune cookie factory is undervalued. I am acquiring a 12% stake. Expect changes.
Lucky Numbers
13-D, 12%, hostile
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收购 (shōugòu) — Acquisition
The board of this restaurant is incompetent. I am replacing the chef, the waiter, and you.
Lucky Numbers
IEP, 88, proxy
Your fortune has been amended per my 13-D filing. It now reads: I win.
Lucky Numbers
100%, mine, all
Back of Slip
Previous fortune has been terminated without severance.
Bridgewater Principles-Based Cookie Co.
🧘 Ray Dalio
The cookie comes with a 200-page manual explaining itself.
Pain + Reflection = Progress. This cookie is stale on purpose. You are welcome.
Lucky Numbers
Principle #1, 1975, $168B AUM
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原则 (yuánzé) — Principles
On a scale of 1-10, how believability-weighted is your decision to eat this cookie? Please submit your dot rating.
Lucky Numbers
BW, dot, 1-10
Radical transparency: this cookie was made 6 weeks ago. Your reaction to this information will be recorded.
Lucky Numbers
0 secrets, 100% honesty
Back of Slip
Your eating speed has been logged and will affect your annual review.
The Mall Food Court Cookie Stand
🛒 Peter Lynch
Found it at a restaurant. Invested in the restaurant. Made 29% annually.
Invest in the restaurant that made this cookie. Seriously. You eat here every week. That is due diligence.
Lucky Numbers
29%, Magellan, 13 yrs
Learn Chinese
调查 (diàochá) — Research
If you can explain this cookie to a 5-year-old, invest. If you cannot, it is a derivative. Run.
Lucky Numbers
P/E, 10-bagger, PEG
The best stock tips come from the mall, not Wall Street. Go touch grass. And then buy the grass company.
Lucky Numbers
100, 10x, GARP
Back of Slip
Peter Lynch actually found Hanes by asking his wife about pantyhose.
Short the cookie. Short the restaurant. Short the entire fortune cookie industry. I see a reflexivity spiral.
Lucky Numbers
£1B, 1992, GBP
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做空 (zuòkōng) — Short Selling
Markets are always wrong. This fortune is also wrong. The key is knowing HOW it is wrong, and profiting from it.
Lucky Numbers
Reflexivity, 20%, $8.6B
When I see a bubble forming, I rush in to buy, adding fuel to the fire. Then I sell before it pops. Simple, really.
Lucky Numbers
BOE, Black Wednesday, $1B/day
Back of Slip
The Bank of England has blocked this fortune in the UK.
Shark Tank Cookie Pitch
👑 Mark Cuban
For that reason... this cookie is out. Wait, actually, I am back in.
For that reason... I am out. (flips cookie over) Just kidding. I am in for $200K for 30%.
Lucky Numbers
$200K, 30%, equity
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拕绝 (jùjué) — Rejection
It does not matter how many times you fail. You only have to be right once. Unless you are opening a fortune cookie, in which case this is it.
Lucky Numbers
Broadcast.com, $5.7B, 1 time
Your valuation is too high. What are your revenues? Do you even have a prototype? Is the cookie the product or the platform?
Lucky Numbers
Shark, Tank, Mavs
Back of Slip
Kevin O'Leary wants 5% royalty on every cookie in perpetuity.
Microsoft FortuneSoft™ Enterprise Cookie Suite
📊 Bill Gates
This fortune could have been an email. Or a PowerPoint. It is both.
This fortune could have been a PowerPoint. Slide 1: You will succeed. Slide 2: Eventually. Slide 47: Questions?
Lucky Numbers
MSFT, 640K, Windows
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演示 (yǎnshì) — Presentation
I read 50 books a year. You ate a cookie. We are not the same.
Lucky Numbers
50 books, 1 cookie, 0 regrets
Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they cannot lose. This cookie is a participation trophy.
Lucky Numbers
1975, BASIC, $130B
Back of Slip
This fortune requires a Windows license to read.
The People's Cookie Co.
💪 Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson
Contains 47g of protein. The fortune is a workout.
It does not matter if this fortune is accurate. WHAT MATTERS is that you get up at 3:45am tomorrow and DO THE WORK. Now drop and give me 50.
Lucky Numbers
3:45am, 50 reps, 0 excuses
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努力 (nǔlì) — Hard Work
I had $7 in my pocket. Now I am the highest-paid actor alive. Your fortune cookie cost $0.03. There is no excuse.
Lucky Numbers
$7, $270M, $0.03
Blood, sweat, and respect. First two you give. Last one you earn. Also, eat more protein. This cookie has none.
Lucky Numbers
6x/week, 5000 cal, 4am
Back of Slip
CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE COOKIE IS COOKING?
I'll Be Snack
🏋️ Arnold Schwarzenegger
This cookie will not be terminated.
I'll be back. For another cookie.
Lucky Numbers
7x Mr. Olympia, 1, 1947
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力量 (lìliàng) — Strength
The mind is the limit. As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can eat this cookie, you can eat this cookie.
Lucky Numbers
1970, 2003, 38th
Stop whining. I came to America with nothing. I became a bodybuilder, a movie star, and a governor. You cannot even finish a cookie without checking your phone.
Lucky Numbers
Reps, Sets, Gains
Back of Slip
Failure is not an option. It is just a cookie.
Think.
Lucky Numbers
1
This cookie has been redesigned. The fortune is now 0.3mm thinner, uses San Francisco font, and costs $200 more.
Lucky Numbers
1984, AAPL, $3T
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设计 (shèjì) — Design
Stay hungry, stay foolish. This cookie satisfies neither requirement. Throw it away and build something.
Lucky Numbers
1, More, Thing
Back of Slip
Designed by Apple in California. Fortune manufactured elsewhere.
Scion Fortune Cookie Capital (Permanently Closed, Then Reopened, Then Closed Again)
👁️ Michael Burry
He warned you this cookie was overvalued. You did not listen.
I warned you about the fortune cookie bubble in 2019. Nobody listened. Now look at the cookie prices. LOOK AT THEM.
Lucky Numbers
CDS, MBS, 2008
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泡沫 (pàomò) — Bubble
(This fortune has been deleted.) (This fortune has been re-posted.) (This fortune has been deleted again.)
Lucky Numbers
Deleted, Reposted, Deleted
Back of Slip
His Twitter account was suspended 4 times while writing this fortune.
I am not crazy. The fortune cookie market IS in a bubble. The data is right here. I have a glass eye and I can see it more clearly than all of you.
Lucky Numbers
$100M, short, CDS
ARK Fortune Cookies (5-Year Price Target: $4,000/cookie)
📈 Cathie Wood
This cookie has a 5-year price target 40x higher than its current value. Trust the process.
This cookie will be worth $4,000 by 2030. Our models are clear. Ignore the fact that it is currently worth $0.03.
Lucky Numbers
ARKK, TSLA $4000, 5yr
Learn Chinese
创新 (chuàngxīn) — Innovation
Innovation solves everything. AI cookies, genomic cookies, autonomous cookie delivery. We are buying the dip. We are always buying the dip.
Lucky Numbers
ARKG, ARKQ, buy the dip
Our conviction is high. Our returns are not. These two facts are unrelated.
Lucky Numbers
-75%, conviction, 5yr target
Back of Slip
This fortune was originally predicted to say something different.
MAD COOKIE! with Jim Cramer
🔔 Jim Cramer
BUY THE COOKIE! SELL THE COOKIE! BUY IT AGAIN! *slams soundboard*
BUY BUY BUY THIS COOKIE! Actually no, SELL SELL SELL! Wait, it went up. BOOYAH! I always believed in cookies!
Lucky Numbers
BOOYAH, 100%, wrong
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翻转 (fānzhuǎn) — Reversal
Bear Stearns is FINE. This cookie is FINE. Everything is FINE. Do NOT take your money out.
Lucky Numbers
BSC, $2, March 2008
Back of Slip
Bear Stearns collapsed 6 days after he said this.
I have been doing this for 40 years. FORTY YEARS. The cookie WILL go up. (narrator: the cookie did not go up)
Lucky Numbers
Inverse, Cramer, ETF
Zero to One Cookie Inc.
♟️ Peter Thiel
There is no competition. This is the only cookie. That is the point.
Competition is for losers. If there is another fortune cookie on the table, you have already failed.
Lucky Numbers
0 to 1, PayPal, Palantir
Learn Chinese
垄断 (lǒngduàn) — Monopoly
What important truth do very few people agree with you on? If your answer is 'this cookie is good,' you are not thinking hard enough.
Lucky Numbers
Founders Fund, $0, contrarian
OpenAI Fortune Cookies (GPT-5 Generated)
🤖 Sam Altman
This fortune was written by AI. It might be sentient. We are looking into it.
AI will transform the fortune cookie industry. This fortune was written by GPT-5. Or was it? Even I am not sure anymore.
Lucky Numbers
AGI, GPT, $100B
Learn Chinese
人工智能 (réngōng zhìnéng) — Artificial Intelligence
The board has removed your fortune. The board has reinstated your fortune. The board is sorry. The board is not sorry.
Lucky Numbers
Fired, Rehired, 4 days
Back of Slip
This fortune was briefly controlled by a different CEO.
FNMAS Fortune Cookie Thesis (8-Volume Series)
📝 Glen Bradford
This cookie has one holding. It is Fannie Mae preferred shares. Eight books explain why.
Your fortune is FNMAS. Your lucky numbers are the par value. I wrote eight books about this. Do not diversify. Get informed.
Lucky Numbers
FNMAS, $25 par, 8 books
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信念 (xìnniàn) — Conviction
I built this entire fortune cookie website instead of sleeping. This is what concentrated conviction looks like.
Lucky Numbers
glenbradford.com, DoNotLose, FNMAS
Back of Slip
Glen's internet was disrupted while writing this because someone tried to run vercel deploy.
If you are reading this, you should be reading Fanniegate instead. It is 8 volumes. Start now.
Lucky Numbers
Vol. 1-8, FMCC, GSE
The 'I Told You So' Cookie Annex
😠 Charlie Munger (Bonus Round)
You came back for more abuse? Good. That is the first smart thing you have done.
I do not need a fortune cookie. I need everyone else to stop needing fortune cookies and start reading annual reports.
Lucky Numbers
10-K, 10-Q, 0 cookies
Learn Chinese
终身学习 (zhōngshēn xuéxí) — Lifelong Learning
Show me the incentive and I will show you the outcome. The incentive here is sugar. The outcome is diabetes.
Lucky Numbers
Incentives, 99 years, Wesco
Cookie Wisdom Tier List
Ranked by how much the fortune will actually improve your life
Will Actually Change Your Life
Extremely Wise (If You Survive Reading It)
Solid Fortune, Would Tape to Fridge
Entertaining But Consult a Professional
Do the Exact Opposite
Hostile Takeover of the Tier List
Lucky Numbers Decoded
What those numbers on the back of your fortune actually mean
Elon's Tesla funding-secured price. Also: the SEC's least favorite number.
Nice. Also Elon's other favorite number. The SEC has given up.
SEC filing showing what hedge funds own. Buffett's is a sacred text.
Annual report. Munger's bedtime story. Your homework.
Berkshire Class A shares. Currently ~$694,000. Per share. One share.
Cramer's catchphrase. Often precedes a stock recommendation you should inverse.
Bezos's entire philosophy. Day 2 is stasis, followed by irrelevance, then death.
The par value of FNMAS. Glen Bradford's entire thesis. Eight books worth.
Thiel's framework. Creating something new vs. copying. Your fortune cookie is a 1.
Credit Default Swaps. How Burry shorted the housing market. Your insurance against fortune cookie defaults.
The Rock's wake-up time. If you are not awake, you are losing.
Steve Jobs' lucky number. One product. One focus. One more thing.
Fortune Cookie Accuracy Leaderboard
Ranked by how often their fortunes come true
| Rank | Baker | Accuracy | Verdict |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 📚 Charlie Munger | 100% | Painfully, Brutally, Objectively Correct |
| #2 | 💪 Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson | 100% | If You Smell What The Fortune Is Cooking |
| #3 | 📝 Glen Bradford | 100% | Absolute Conviction (Pending Treasury Decision) |
| #4 | 🍎 Steve Jobs | 99% | Insanely Accurate |
| #5 | 👁️ Michael Burry | 99% | Terrifyingly Right (2 Years Early) |
| #6 | 🥞 Warren Buffett | 97% | Eerily Accurate (Like His Portfolio) |
| #7 | 🏋️ Arnold Schwarzenegger | 95% | Hasta La Vista, Bad Fortunes |
| #8 | 🛒 Peter Lynch | 94% | Will Literally Make You Money |
| #9 | 📦 Jeff Bezos | 91% | Disturbingly Prophetic |
| #10 | 💷 George Soros | 88% | Will Break Your Country's Currency |
| #11 | ♟️ Peter Thiel | 87% | Contrarian, But Correct |
| #12 | 📊 Bill Gates | 85% | Accurate (After 3 Updates) |
| #13 | 🧘 Ray Dalio | 82% | Radically Transparent About Your Future |
| #14 | ⚔️ Carl Icahn | 78% | Accurate If You Surrender |
| #15 | 🤖 Sam Altman | 72% | Will Be More Accurate After the Next Training Run |
| #16 | 👑 Mark Cuban | 65% | Depends on the Pitch |
| #17 | 🚀 Elon Musk | 42% | Bold Predictions, Flexible Timelines |
| #18 | 🥽 Mark Zuckerberg | 34% | Accurate in the Metaverse (Not Here) |
| #19 | 📈 Cathie Wood | 22% | Accurate in 5 Years (She Promises) |
| #20 | 🔔 Jim Cramer | 15% | Do the Exact Opposite (Inverse Cramer Index) |
I built a fortune cookie page at 2am where Charlie Munger calls the reader an idiot and Jim Cramer has a 15% accuracy rating. This is either peak content marketing or I need to go outside. Either way, the Munger fortunes are factually correct.
🥠 FORTUNE COOKIE RECEIPT 🥠
Cookies opened: 66
Billionaires consulted: 20
Useful fortunes: ~60
Jim Cramer fortunes: 3 (all wrong)
Munger insults received: 7
Times told to read more: 4
Mars ETAs updated: 3
TOTAL WISDOM: Priceless
(Or $0.03 per cookie. Munger says you overpaid.)
Frequently Asked Questions
Why did Glen Bradford make billionaires write fortune cookies?
Because actual fortune cookies say things like 'A pleasant surprise is in store for you' and that is the most useless financial advice since Jim Cramer said Bear Stearns was fine. Glen believes fortune cookies should either make you money or make you laugh. These do both. Mostly the second one.
Which billionaire writes the best fortune cookies?
Charlie Munger, and it is not close. His fortunes are the only ones that actively insult you AND make you smarter at the same time. Warren Buffett is a close second because his fortunes come with a side of McGriddle wisdom. Peter Lynch is third because he will literally help you find 10-baggers at the mall food court.
Are the accuracy ratings real?
Jim Cramer's 15% accuracy rating is generous. The Inverse Cramer ETF (ticker: SJIM) was a real product that literally bet against his picks. Cathie Wood's 22% reflects her 5-year price targets being consistently ambitious. Munger's 100% is factual. He was never wrong. He told you so.
Why does Charlie Munger have TWO sections?
Because one section was insufficient to contain the volume of his disappointment in humanity. Also, Munger once said the best thing that could happen to a young person is to read all the time. If reading two sections of Munger fortunes counts, you are on your way.
Can I actually use these lucky numbers to play the lottery?
Charlie Munger's fortune specifically says your lucky numbers are irrelevant and nothing about luck is relevant. If you play the lottery with BRK.A as your number, you deserve what happens. Instead, take the $2 you would have spent on a lottery ticket and invest it. In 50 years at 10% compounding, that is $234. You are welcome.
Who is Glen Bradford?
Glen Bradford is a Salesforce developer, investor, and author. He founded Cloud Nimbus LLC, built Delivery Hub for the Salesforce AppExchange, published 9 books (including the 8-volume Fanniegate series), and holds a concentrated position in Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac junior preferred shares. His Twitter handle is @DoNotLose. He also builds fortune cookie pages at 2am instead of sleeping.
Why is the Inverse Cramer Index a thing?
Because Jim Cramer's stock recommendations have historically performed so poorly that Wall Street created a literal financial product to bet against them. The SJIM ETF tracked his recommendations and did the opposite. It is possibly the greatest compliment and insult anyone has ever received simultaneously.
Did Michael Burry actually delete and repost things?
Yes. Michael Burry's Twitter (X) account is legendary for posting cryptic market warnings, deleting them within hours, then sometimes reposting them days later. His fortune cookie accurately reflects this pattern. If you see a Burry tweet in the wild, screenshot it immediately. It will be gone by dinner.
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