BILLIONAIRE
LOADING SCREENS

“Don't skip the tutorial. Steve Jobs dropped out of college and still calligraphed his way to a $3 trillion company. The side quests ARE the main quest.”

— Steve Jobs

“The best time to plant a skill tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is right now. Stop reading loading screens and go grind.”

— Chinese Proverb (as quoted by every LinkedIn influencer)

“Your starting class doesn't matter. Oprah spawned in rural Mississippi with zero inventory. She's now worth $2.5 billion. Your RNG is fine.”

— Oprah Winfrey

“Read the instruction manual. Nobody does. That's why 90% of players are broke by Level 30. Charlie Munger read every manual in the library. EVERY. ONE.”

— Charlie Munger

“Your starting salary is not your final score. Jeff Bezos was a fry cook at McDonald's. The Rock had $7 in his pocket. Arnold couldn't speak English. You'll respawn.”

— Life

“WARNING: Your boss is not the final boss. He's a mini-boss. The final boss is your own complacency. Also, he doesn't know the Wi-Fi password either.”

— Naval Ravikant

“Pro tip: Work like someone is trying to take it all away from you. Because in this economy, someone literally is. Probably with a SaaS product.”

— Mark Cuban

“Your first 10,000 gold coins are the hardest to earn. After that, your gold earns gold. This is called 'compound interest' and it's basically a cheat code.”

— Warren Buffett

“Buy when other players are panic-selling. Sell when they're buying loot boxes they can't afford. This is the only PvP strategy that works every single expansion.”

— Warren Buffett

“The stock market is a device for transferring gold from the impatient to the patient. If you can't sit still for 5 minutes, you'll get farmed by players who can sit still for 5 years.”

— Warren Buffett

“In this market, the NPCs give financial advice on TikTok. The real players read 10-K filings at midnight. Choose your faction wisely.”

— Peter Lynch

“Never invest in a guild you can't explain to a Level 1 noob. If you can't explain it, you don't understand it. And if you don't understand it, you WILL get rekt.”

— Peter Lynch

“Time in the market beats timing the market. Unless you're George Soros, in which case you time the market so hard the Bank of England rage-quits.”

— George Soros

“WARNING: The CEO of this level may tweet your stock price into oblivion at 2am. Save often. Auto-save recommended. Actually, just turn off notifications.”

— Elon Musk

“This boss has 3 phases: (1) He posts a meme. (2) The SEC investigates. (3) The stock goes up anyway. There is no strategy guide. We've tried.”

— Elon Musk

“Your personal brand is your character skin. It doesn't affect gameplay, but it determines whether other players trust-trade with you or report you for spam.”

— Gary Vaynerchuk

“Half the players in this arena are bots. The other half are real people pretending to be bots. Nobody knows who's who anymore. Mark Zuckerberg designed it this way.”

— Mark Zuckerberg

“If a deal looks too good to be true, check if it's a trap. Michael Burry found an entire housing market that was a trap. He shorted it. He was right. Everyone hated him anyway.”

— Michael Burry

“Location, location, location. In gaming terms: spawn point matters. Don't buy property in a zone that's about to get nerfed by the city council.”

— Real Estate Proverb

“The best time to buy real estate was during the 2008 recession. The second best time is whenever your neighbor is getting divorced and needs to sell fast.”

— Sam Zell

“Ray Dalio says all big debt crises follow the same pattern. The game developers literally copy-paste the same dungeon every 10-15 years. Learn the map.”

— Ray Dalio

“This dungeon has no map, no guide, and the loot table changes every 4 years during something called a 'halving.' The NPCs speak in code. Literally. They're hash functions.”

— Satoshi Nakamoto

“WARNING: 99% of items in this dungeon are cursed. They're called 'altcoins' and they will drain your inventory to zero. The 1% that aren't cursed will 100x. Good luck identifying them.”

— Crypto Dungeon Lore

“Charlie Munger says this entire dungeon should be deleted from the game. The devs disagree. Charlie is 99 years old and has more gold than everyone in the dungeon combined. Make of that what you will.”

— Charlie Munger

“If your guild leader says 'this is definitely not a rug pull,' it is definitely a rug pull. Sam Bankman-Fried was a raid leader who looted his own guild bank. Don't be like Sam.”

— Painful Lesson

“Arnold Schwarzenegger maxed out his Strength stat, then respecced into Acting, then respecced into Politics. The game lets you multi-class. Most players forget this.”

— Arnold Schwarzenegger

“The Rock went from having $7 in his pocket to being the highest-paid actor on the server. His build? Max Charisma, Max Strength, zero points in 'taking a day off.'”

— Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson

“Bill Gates took Think Weeks where he read books in a cabin alone. This is the 'meditation buff' and it stacks. Most players skip it because it doesn't feel productive. It's the most OP buff in the game.”

— Bill Gates

“Your health bar is the only resource that doesn't regenerate after Level 50. Invest in the Health stat early. No amount of gold can buy HP back from the vendor.”

— Life Wisdom

“Jeff Bezos doesn't focus on the competition. He focuses on the customer. While other guilds are spying on each other, he's farming the NPCs. This is why he owns the server.”

— Jeff Bezos

“When you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck. Peter Thiel says competition is for losers. Build a monopoly or go home. The meta is avoiding fights entirely.”

— Peter Thiel

“Sam Altman built an AI companion that can help you with every quest in the game. Some players think this is cheating. Sam thinks this IS the game now. He might be right.”

— Sam Altman

“Carl Icahn doesn't fight bosses. He buys the boss, fires the boss, replaces the boss with a better boss, then sells the boss at a profit. This is called 'activist investing' and it's terrifying.”

— Carl Icahn

“Warren Buffett is 93 and still plays every day. He never 'retired.' He just kept playing because he actually enjoys the game. If you need to retire, you picked the wrong class.”

— Warren Buffett

“Your 'retirement number' is a lie. The real question is: what will you DO all day? Munger said the best thing about getting rich is you get to read whatever you want. That's it. That's the endgame.”

— Charlie Munger

“Naval says true wealth is having assets that earn while you sleep. In gaming terms: you need passive income mobs that farm themselves. Build the bot, then AFK.”

— Naval Ravikant

“The end credits don't actually roll. There is no final cutscene. The game just keeps going. Most players are disappointed by this. The best players find it liberating.”

— Philosophy

“Elon Musk played New Game+ and chose 'buy the social media platform where everyone roasts you, then rename it to a single letter.' No strategy guide covers this. We checked.”

— Elon Musk

“Glen Bradford put his entire inventory into one item: Fannie Mae preferred shares. Other players call this insane. Glen calls it 'concentrated conviction.' He wrote EIGHT books about it. EIGHT.”

— Glen Bradford

“Mark Cuban bought a Gulfstream jet and immediately got audited by the IRS. Achievement unlocked: 'Spend So Much Money the Government Notices.' Cost: $40 million. Satisfaction: priceless.”

— Mark Cuban

“George Soros broke the Bank of England in a single trade and made $1 billion in one day. In gaming terms, he found a glitch in the British economy and exploited it before the devs could patch. Legendary.”

— George Soros

“If you've reached New Game+, you already know the secret: the real loot was the compounding you did along the way. Just kidding. The real loot is actual money. Compound it.”

— Every Billionaire Ever

“FINAL TIP: The game doesn't reward the smartest player. It rewards the player who stayed in the game the longest without rage-quitting. Munger survived the Great Depression, a divorce, losing a child, and going blind in one eye. He died at 99 worth $2.6 billion. Don't. Rage. Quit.”

— Charlie Munger