James Bond
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (this article has been redacted by Her Majesty's Government)
🔒 This article is subject to a government redaction order. 94% of the content has been replaced with [CLASSIFIED] by an automated bot operating from IP address 85.91.██.██ (identified as MI6 headquarters, Vauxhall Cross, London). Three FOIA requests have been filed. All three were classified before they could be processed.
James Bond
James Bond
James Bond is a British intelligence officer civil servant who [CLASSIFIED] for [CLASSIFIED]. He is known for his [CLASSIFIED] and enjoys martinis (shaken, not stirred).
[This is the only paragraph that survived the redaction bot. The martini preference was deemed 'not a matter of national security' by MI6 legal.]
Operations
[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] martini [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] Aston Martin [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] explosion [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] witty one-liner [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED].
[A Wikipedia admin noted that this section 'reads like a Mad Libs filled out by a government lawyer.' The observation was then also classified.]
Vehicles
Bond is known to drive an Aston Martin. [the only unclassified fact]
The car is equipped with [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], and a really nice sound system.
Total number of Aston Martins destroyed: [CLASSIFIED but Q wants it noted that it's 'too many'].
Personal Life
Bond has been romantically linked to [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], and [CLASSIFIED].
[Editor note from MoneypennyM: 'The redaction bot actually missed three names. I re-redacted them manually. You're welcome, James.']
HEdit History
Blanked entire 'Personal Life' section
“Classified.”
Replaced 'Operations' section with [REDACTED] x 47 times
“National security. Nothing personal.”
Fixed formatting on the redaction boxes. Added proper CSS classes.
“If we're going to redact things, we're going to redact them with proper markup.”
Added to 'Personal Life': 'Bond has been romantically linked to [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], [CLASSIFIED], and [CLASSIFIED].'
“I tried to add names but the redaction bot got them within 3 seconds.”
Filed Freedom of Information request for Bond's Wikipedia page
“The public has a right to know.”
FOIA request status changed to [CLASSIFIED]
“[CLASSIFIED]”
Changed 'Occupation: Spy' to 'Occupation: Civil servant'
“I work for the government. I push papers. That is all.”
Changed Bond's listed location from 'Hotel WiFi, Montenegro' to '[CLASSIFIED]'
“007, your IP address is showing your location. Again. We've talked about this.”
Added: 'Bond has been defeated numerous times by SPECTRE and should be considered a mid-tier agent at best'
“Just establishing the factual record.”
Reverted. Added: 'Blofeld has been killed at least 4 times and keeps coming back, which is frankly embarrassing for both of us'
“Stay off my page, Ernst.”
TTalk Page: “Is This Even an Article Anymore?”
This discussion has been classified. You are reading a classified discussion.
WikiEditor_PublicInterest
This article is 94% redacted. The only readable content is his name, the word 'British,' and a note that he 'enjoys martinis.' This does not meet Wikipedia's quality standards.
MI6_Redaction_Bot
[CLASSIFIED]
WikiEditor_PublicInterest
That is not a valid Talk page response.
MI6_Redaction_Bot
[CLASSIFIED]
Q_Branch_IT
I apologize for the bot. It was designed to redact sensitive information from government documents and someone pointed it at Wikipedia. I've tried to rein it in but it has classified my override codes. I am now locked out of a bot I built. This is deeply humiliating.
MoneypennyM
For what it's worth, I can confirm that Bond is real, he does work here, and he is every bit as annoying in person as his edit history suggests. He just walked past my desk and winked. I am adding this to the article under 'Personality Defects.'
M_Director
All MI6 personnel are hereby ordered to stop editing Wikipedia during work hours. This is a direct order. Bond, that includes you. Q, fix the bot. Moneypenny, stop adding personality assessments to the article. This conversation is now classified.
MI6_Redaction_Bot
[This Talk page has been CLASSIFIED]
🔒 Administrator Notice
Wikipedia has received a formal letter from Her Majesty's Government requesting the deletion of this article. Wikipedia declined. A second letter was received, written in invisible ink, which read: “Please reconsider. Sincerely, [CLASSIFIED].” A third letter arrived via carrier pigeon wearing a tiny tuxedo. We are beginning to suspect this is not being handled through normal diplomatic channels.
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