Hermione Granger
Corporate Lawyer

Deputy Head, Department of Magical Law Enforcement

Ministry of Magic • London

2000 – Present

• • Rewrote 14 pieces of wizarding legislation, including the Muggle-Born Protection Act and the House-Elf Employment Standards Act
• • Established the Office for House-Elf Relocation against significant institutional resistance (and the wishes of the house-elves themselves)
• • Authored a 300-page white paper on goblin banking reform — the Minister called it "exhaustive," which I choose to interpret as praise
• • Reduced wrongful Azkaban convictions by 89% through reforms to the Wizengamot trial process
• • Created a mandatory "Did You Actually Read the Statute Before Charging Them?" checklist for all magical law enforcement officers

Field Operative & Strategic Advisor

The Order of the Phoenix • Undisclosed Location

1995 – 1998

• • Core member of a paramilitary resistance organization opposing an authoritarian regime
• • Provided critical research, strategic planning, and operational logistics for a 3-year asymmetric conflict
• • Destroyed multiple pieces of cursed contraband (Horcruxes) as part of a 3-person strike team
• • Developed and maintained a magically expanded handbag containing a complete field library, medical supplies, and camping equipment
• • Successfully impersonated a Death Eater using Polyjuice Potion — a feat of undercover work that would have been illegal under 6 different statutes, all of which I later reformed

Founder & CEO

S.P.E.W. (Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare) • Hogwarts

1994 – Present

• • Founded a civil rights organization advocating for the fair treatment of house-elves across the wizarding world
• • Membership: 3 (myself, Harry under duress, and Ron under greater duress)
• • Produced 47 hand-knitted hats and left them in common areas for house-elves to find — they did not want them
• • Successfully lobbied for the House-Elf Employment Standards Act despite the primary beneficiaries actively opposing it
• • Operating philosophy: Justice is not a popularity contest. If your clients don't know they need you, that's what pro bono is for.

"Hermione is without question the most talented legal mind I have ever worked with. Her research is impeccable, her writing is flawless, and her commitment to justice is unwavering. I could not recommend her more highly."

"Having worked alongside Hermione for what feels like twice the normal amount of time, I can confidently say she is the hardest-working lawyer I know. She once reviewed an entire merger agreement in what appeared to be 30 minutes but was actually 6 hours from her perspective."

"I have had the privilege of endorsing myself three times today, which I believe demonstrates both my versatility and my commitment to thoroughness. I have also endorsed myself for 'Humility,' which I recognize is ironic but felt necessary for completeness."

"Hermione is the reason I'm alive. Multiple times. She's also the reason I passed my O.W.L.s, knew the answer to every question before I asked it, and once had a fully organized color-coded revision timetable that accounted for bathroom breaks. She would be terrifying as a lawyer. I mean that as the highest compliment."

"She's brilliant. Scary, but brilliant. She once corrected a judge's pronunciation of a spell during a trial and the judge thanked her. I don't understand how she does it. I also don't understand most of what she says. But I know she's right. She's always right."

Q: Thank you for coming in, Ms. Granger. Can you tell us about your background?

Hermione: Certainly. I graduated top of my class at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where I achieved Outstanding in every N.E.W.T. except one, which I choose not to discuss. I then completed my legal training at the Wizarding Bar, passing on my first attempt — which, I should note, is unusual. I have subsequently —

[Interviewer tries to interject]

Hermione: — I wasn't finished. I have subsequently worked in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, where I rewrote 14 pieces of legislation, established the Office for House-Elf Relocation, and authored a 300-page white paper on the reform of goblin banking regulations that the Minister described as 'exhaustive' — though I suspect he meant it as a compliment.

Q: Your resume is... 47 pages. Could you walk us through the highlights?

Hermione: I tried to edit it down. I really did. But every experience is relevant. Page 1 through 12 covers my academic credentials and extracurriculars. Pages 13 through 28 detail my professional experience, including subheadings, appendices, and a cross-referenced index. Pages 29 through 40 are my publications. Pages 41 through 45 are endorsements. Page 46 is my skills matrix. Page 47 is a bibliography of the resume itself.

Q: A bibliography of the resume?

Hermione: I cited my sources. You can't just make claims about yourself without evidence. That would be... [shudders] ...anecdotal.

Q: How do you handle tight deadlines?

Hermione: I have a Time-Turner. Next question.

[Interviewer pauses, uncertain if this is a joke]

Hermione: It's not a joke. I literally have a device that lets me go back in time. I used it to take every elective at Hogwarts simultaneously when I was 13. I can bill 48 hours in a single day. Your deadline is my suggestion.

Q: Tell us about a challenging case you handled.

Hermione: I helped a fugitive godfather evade wrongful execution by the Ministry of Magic using a borrowed time-travel device, a hippogriff, and a 13-year-old boy who did exactly what I told him to do for once. We had approximately 3 hours. The opposing party had dementors. We won. I was 14.

Q: What areas of law interest you most?

Hermione: All of them. I have prepared a 30-page memorandum outlining my interests across every practice area your firm offers, including three practice areas you don't currently offer but should. I've included a business case for each. It's in the supplementary materials I sent ahead — you did read the supplementary materials, didn't you?

[Interviewer has not read the supplementary materials]

Hermione: [Visible disappointment] I'll send them again. With annotations.

Q: Do you work well in teams?

Hermione: I was part of a three-person team that destroyed the most powerful dark wizard in history. My teammates contributed bravery and loyalty. I contributed everything else. Yes, I work well in teams.

Q: It says here you founded an organization called... S.P.E.W.?

Hermione: The Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare. It is the most important civil rights organization in the wizarding world. I knitted 47 hats. I left them where house-elves would find them. They did not want to be freed. I freed them anyway. Justice is not a popularity contest.

Q: One last thing — your cover letter mentioned that you 'corrected several errors in our firm's website.' Could you elaborate?

Hermione: Your 'About Us' page has a dangling modifier in paragraph three. Your partner bios inconsistently capitalize 'partner' versus 'Partner.' And your diversity statement misspells 'commitment' — it has two m's, not one. I've prepared a redlined version. You're welcome.