Billionaire
Text Messages
Leaked private conversations between the world's richest people. 1-on-1. No group chat filter. Raw, unhinged, and absolutely fictional.
15 threads — 2 billionaires each — 0 emotional maturity
15
Leaked Threads
2
People Per Thread
0
Mature Conversations
$4.2T
Combined Net Worth Texting
Leaked Text Threads
15 private conversations. Two billionaires. No witnesses. Until now.
Elon Musk↔Jeff Bezos
The Space Race (Personal Edition)
Monday 10:14 AM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Warren Buffett↔Charlie Munger
The Daily Lunch Debate
Tuesday 11:42 AM
11:43 AM
11:49 AM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Mark Zuckerberg↔Tim Cook
Privacy Is a Fundamental Human Right (Allegedly)
Wednesday 2:30 PM
2:35 PM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Bill Gates↔Steve Jobs
iMessage from the Other Side
Thursday 8:00 AM
8:04 AM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Elon Musk↔Mark Zuckerberg
The Cage Match That Never Happened
Friday 9:00 PM
9:01 PM
9:04 PM
9:06 PM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Jeff Bezos↔Richard Branson
Who Went to Space First (The Eternal Argument)
Saturday 6:15 AM
6:20 AM
6:21 AM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Warren Buffett↔Elon Musk
Value Investing vs Whatever Elon Does
Sunday 3:15 PM
3:17 PM
3:19 PM
3:21 PM
3:22 PM
3:23 PM
3:25 PM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Larry Ellison↔Marc Benioff
The Mentor Becomes the Mentee's Problem
Monday 1:00 PM
1:04 PM
1:07 PM
1:08 PM
1:10 PM
1:11 PM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Oprah Winfrey↔Warren Buffett
Oprah's Book Club vs. Warren's Annual Reports
Tuesday 9:30 AM
9:30 AM
9:33 AM
9:37 AM
9:39 AM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Mark Cuban↔Kevin O'Leary
Post-Taping Arguments
Wednesday 7:45 PM
7:45 PM
7:46 PM
7:47 PM
7:50 PM
7:51 PM
7:53 PM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Michael Bloomberg↔Elon Musk
Legacy Media vs. Posting Through It
Thursday 4:00 PM
4:04 PM
4:08 PM
4:09 PM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Sam Altman↔Elon Musk
The Breakup Texts
Friday 11:30 PM
11:33 PM
11:34 PM
11:38 PM
11:40 PM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Jensen Huang↔Elon Musk
Jensen's GPU Shortage Apology Tour
Saturday 8:00 AM
8:00 AM
8:02 AM
8:03 AM
8:04 AM
8:06 AM
8:07 AM
8:09 AM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Bernard Arnault↔Elon Musk
Who Is Actually Number One
Sunday 10:00 AM
10:04 AM
10:06 AM
10:08 AM
10:10 AM
10:12 AM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Larry Page↔Sergey Brin
Remember When We Ran Google?
Monday 7:00 PM
7:02 PM
7:03 PM
7:04 PM
7:05 PM
7:07 PM
7:11 PM
7:12 PM
End-to-end encrypted • Except for the part where we leaked it
Thread Index
Jump to any conversation
Phone Records
Metadata nobody asked for but everyone deserves
SUBPOENAED PHONE RECORDS — Exhibit A through O
Appears in 7 of 15 threads. Cannot stop texting. Would text the sun if it had a phone number.
47 minutes per reply. Types with one finger. Refuses to use predictive text because 'the phone shouldn't predict what I think.'
Has sent 2,847 texts between midnight and 5 AM. Sleeps in 4-hour intervals. Each interval produces 12 texts.
'You could. But you won't. Because you are the product, Mark.' — Delivered. Read. No reply for 47 seconds.
Screenshots every conversation. Uses them 'for training data.' Has been asked to stop 14 times.
Types at 120 WPM. Every message is a keynote speech. Has never sent a text under 50 words.
Uses proper grammar, correct punctuation, and says 'Bonjour' before roasting people. French excellence.
Samsung flip phone from 2019. Texts are delivered via a bridge system built by Bill Gates out of pity.
All phone records obtained through a Freedom of Information Act request filed by Glen Bradford, who included a footnote about FNMAS.
I wrote 15 fake billionaire text conversations instead of working on my Salesforce certifications. Every thread is fictional but emotionally accurate. Elon really would text Bezos about rockets at 10 AM. Buffett really would ask Munger about lunch. The only unrealistic part is that any of them would text me back. Except about FNMAS. My DMs are always open for FNMAS discussions.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are these real billionaire text messages?
No. These are entirely fictional text conversations written by Glen Bradford for comedy purposes. No billionaire phones were hacked, no iClouds were breached, and no one's Messages app was subpoenaed. However, Warren Buffett really does eat McDonald's every day and Elon Musk really did challenge Zuckerberg to a cage match, so the line between fiction and reality is thinner than you'd think.
Why are these private 1-on-1 conversations instead of group chats?
Because the real drama happens in DMs, not group chats. In a group chat, people perform for the audience. In a private text thread, they say what they actually think. Jeff Bezos would never admit his rocket looks like that in a group chat. Bernard Arnault would never offer Elon wine. These are the conversations that happen when nobody's watching. Except we're watching. Because we leaked them.
Did Bill Gates really text Steve Jobs?
Steve Jobs passed away in 2011. The text thread between Gates and Jobs is fictional and presented as a comedic 'what if' scenario. In reality, Gates and Jobs had a complex relationship spanning decades, combining genuine respect with legendary rivalry. Gates once said Jobs 'cast spells' on people. Jobs once called Windows 'a pale imitation.' They were the best frenemies tech ever produced.
Is Glen Bradford one of the texting billionaires?
Glen Bradford is not a billionaire (yet). He's a Salesforce developer, investor, and author who writes about Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. He inserted himself into the billionaire group chat page because that's the kind of thing he does. His position in FNMAS is real. His opinions about the net worth sweep are well-documented across 9 books. The comedy pages are free. You're welcome.
Why does Jensen Huang talk like that?
Jensen Huang, CEO of Nvidia, is known for his passionate speeches about GPUs that verge on spiritual experiences. He once compared the GPU to the printing press, the steam engine, and the discovery of fire — in the same keynote. The leather jacket is his signature. The GPU worship is genuine. We just turned it up to 11.
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