Jar Jar's
Motivational TED Talk

Our next speaker needs no introduction — though he probably needs supervision. He's been a outcast, a general, a senator, and, according to certain corners of the HoloNet, possibly a Sith Lord. He has stumbled into more historically significant moments than any being in galactic history, and he maintains that every single one of them was an accident. His talk today is called "From Exile to Empire: How Meesa Accidentally Changed the Galaxy." Ladies, gentlemen, and sentient beings of all species — please welcome Senator Jar Jar Binks. [Thunderous applause. Jar Jar trips on a cable walking onto the stage. Knocks over the water pitcher. The audience laughs. He gives a big thumbs up.]

[Adjusts microphone. Feedback squeals. He flinches, ears flapping.] Ohhh. Okee-day. Hello, everybody! Meesa Jar Jar Binks! [Scattered cheers] So. Meesa want to start at the beginning. And the beginning, for meesa, was being kicked out of meesa home. [Pause] Yousa all know what it feels like to fail. Maybe yousa lost a job. Maybe yousa made a mistake at work. Maybe yousa accidentally flooded the Boss Nass’s private chambers by pulling the wrong lever on the hydrostatic bubble generator. [Nervous laughter] Yousa think: this is the worst thing. This is the end. Meesa was banished. The Boss said, “Yousa clumsy. Yousa dangerous. Yousa not welcome here no more.” And meesa walked out of Otoh Gunga into the swamps of Naboo, and meesa thought: this is it. Meesa life is over. [Long pause. The audience is quiet.] But here’s the thing that nobody tells yousa about hitting rock bottom. [Leans into mic] Yousa can’t fall no further. [Applause] And when yousa can’t fall no further, the only direction left is up. Or sideways. Meesa went sideways for a while. Meesa ate swamp bugs. Meesa talked to frogs. The frogs did not talk back, but meesa appreciated their company. [Laughter] But the point is — meesa was alive. And meesa was free. And sometimes, the worst thing that happens to yousa is actually the universe saying: “Yousa are in the wrong place. Let meesa put yousa in the right one.” [Applause]

So there meesa was. Living in a swamp. Eating bugs. Having conversations with amphibians. Rock bottom. And then — two men with laser swords came running through the jungle. [Laughter] Now, when two men with laser swords come running toward yousa in a swamp, most people would run away. Most people would hide. Most people would say, “This is not meesa problem.” But meesa thought — and this is important, so write this down — meesa thought: “This is meesa moment.” [Audience murmurs] Yousa see, opportunity doesn’t knock. Opportunity SPRINTS through the jungle being chased by battle droids. And yousa either grab onto it or yousa let it go. Meesa grabbed onto it. Literally. Meesa grabbed onto Qui-Gon Jinn’s leg and did not let go. He tried to shake meesa off. Meesa held on tighter. [Laughter] And that, my friends, is Lesson Number One: When the universe sends yousa a Jedi, hold on to his leg. [Applause] Now, did Qui-Gon want meesa there? No. Did Obi-Wan want meesa there? Absolutely not. Obi-Wan looked at meesa like meesa was something he stepped in. And to be fair, meesa had been living in a swamp, so he may have literally stepped in meesa. [Big laughter] But here’s what meesa learned: Yousa don’t need people to believe in yousa. Yousa just need to be present. Show up. Be there. Eventually, they’ll stop trying to get rid of yousa, and that’s basically the same thing as acceptance. [Pause for effect] Meesa has built meesa entire career on this principle. [Laughter and applause]

So the Jedi brought meesa back to Otoh Gunga. And meesa thought, this is going to be awkward, because meesa was banished. Permanently. But Qui-Gon talked to Boss Nass, and Boss Nass said — and meesa will never forget this — he said, “Fine. Yousa can stay. But yousa owe meesa.” And meesa said, “Absolutely, Boss. Whatever yousa need.” And then the battle came. The Trade Federation invaded Naboo. And Queen Amidala needed the Gungans to fight. And Boss Nass looked at meesa and said: “Jar Jar. Yousa a General now.” [Pause] And meesa said: “What’s a General?” [Huge laughter] Meesa was not kidding. Meesa genuinely did not know what a General was. Meesa thought it was maybe a type of fish. But the army was already marching, and meesa was at the front, and everyone was following meesa, and meesa thought: okay. This is happening. Meesa is a General. Meesa will figure out what that means later. [Laughter] And yousa know what? The battle happened. And meesa survived. And the Gungans survived. And Naboo was liberated. Did meesa have a plan? No. Did meesa have training? No. Did meesa know what meesa was doing at any point? Absolutely not. But — and this is Lesson Number Two — sometimes the most qualified person for the job is the person who doesn’t know it’s supposed to be impossible. [Standing ovation. Several audience members are wiping tears.] Yousa see, the trained generals, they know all the ways things can go wrong. They’ve studied the failures. They’ve memorized the probabilities. And sometimes that knowledge paralyzes them. But meesa? Meesa didn’t know the probabilities. Meesa didn’t know the odds. Meesa just ran forward and tripped over things, and somehow the things meesa tripped over turned out to be the right things. [Thoughtful applause] Now, meesa is NOT saying competence is overrated. Meesa is saying that sometimes — SOMETIMES — the universe rewards the brave. And the clumsy. And especially the bravely clumsy. [Laughter]

After the Battle of Naboo, something even more impossible happened. Meesa became a Senator. [Pause] Meesa will give yousa a moment to process that. [Laughter] A Gungan who was banished from his own city for being too clumsy — who once destroyed an entire restaurant by tripping into the kitchen — who was made a General because no one else wanted the job — this Gungan was now a representative in the Galactic Senate. [Audience member shouts: “How?!”] GREAT question! Meesa still not 100% sure how democracy works, but apparently it works like this: if yousa save a planet, people will elect yousa to things regardless of yousa qualifications. [Laughter] And meesa showed up on Coruscant, and meesa sat in that big floating pod, and meesa looked around at all these Senators — these educated, sophisticated, powerful beings from every system in the galaxy — and meesa thought: “Meesa does not belong here.” [Long pause. The room is very quiet.] And then meesa thought something else. Meesa thought: “Maybe that’s the point.” [Audience is deeply attentive] Because every single one of those Senators? They belonged there. They were born into politics. They were raised for it. They knew all the rules, all the procedures, all the proper ways to do things. And yousa know what they did with all that knowledge and belonging? They let a Republic fall. [Dead silence] [Jar Jar pauses, realizing he’s accidentally made a very dark point about his own role in this] Uh — meesa mean — what meesa is TRYING to say is — sometimes the outsider sees things the insiders can’t. Meesa brought a fresh perspective! A new point of view! A complete lack of understanding of parliamentary procedure that some might call “refreshing.” [Nervous laughter] And that leads meesa to Lesson Number Three: Don’t let other people’s expertise make yousa feel small. Their expertise is not yousa expertise. Yousa have something they don’t: the ability to see the situation with fresh eyes. [Applause] Fresh, confused, slightly panicked eyes. But fresh. [Laughter]

[Jar Jar’s tone shifts. More serious. The audience notices.] Okee-day. So. Meesa has to talk about the thing. [The room gets very quiet] Yousa all know what meesa did. Meesa proposed that the Senate give emergency powers to Chancellor Palpatine. [Silence] And then... things happened. Things that meesa did not predict. Things that no one predicted. Well — one person predicted them. That person was Palpatine. But meesa didn’t know that at the time. [Uncomfortable silence] Meesa was asked to speak because Senator Amidala was away. She had been targeted. She couldn’t be there. And the Chancellor’s office said, “Someone needs to propose the motion.” And meesa said, “Okee-day.” Because meesa trusted people. Meesa trusted the system. Meesa thought: if the Chancellor needs emergency powers to protect the Republic, then meesa should help make that happen. Because that’s what good people do — they help. [Pause] And that is Lesson Number Four. And it’s the hardest one. [Leans into mic] Sometimes yousa do the right thing for the right reasons, and it turns out to be the wrong thing. [Long silence] Sometimes yousa trust the wrong person. Sometimes yousa believe in a system that was already broken. Sometimes yousa stand up in the Senate and say words that change the galaxy, and yousa don’t understand what those words really meant until it’s too late. [His voice cracks slightly] And yousa have to live with that. Not because yousa are a bad person. But because good people can make catastrophic mistakes. And pretending otherwise — pretending that good intentions always lead to good outcomes — that’s the most dangerous lie of all. [Several audience members are crying. A Twi’lek in the front row is openly sobbing.] Meesa has spent many, many years thinking about this. And meesa has come to a conclusion. Meesa is not responsible for what Palpatine did. Palpatine is responsible for what Palpatine did. But meesa IS responsible for being the kind of person who could be used — who was so eager to help, so desperate to belong, so grateful for being included, that meesa didn’t stop to ask: “Why are THEY asking MEESA?” [Dead silence] Because the answer — the answer that meesa didn’t see at the time — is that they asked meesa BECAUSE meesa wouldn’t question it. They chose the fool because the fool would say yes. [Whispered] And the fool said yes. [Fifteen seconds of absolute silence. Then, slowly, applause begins. It builds. It becomes a standing ovation. Not because the audience is happy, but because they recognize something true.] [Jar Jar wipes his eyes with his ear. The audience laughs through tears.] Meesa sorry. Meesa getting meesa ears all wet. This is why they don’t make Gungan-sized tissues. [Laughter, release of tension]

[Composing himself] So. What does meesa want yousa to take away from all this? Meesa was banished. Meesa came back. Meesa was told meesa was worthless. Meesa saved a planet. Meesa was called a fool. Meesa became a Senator. Meesa made the worst mistake in galactic history. Meesa is still standing here. [Pause] Yousa are going to fail. That is not a maybe. That is a certainty. Yousa are going to fail spectacularly. Yousa are going to make decisions that seem right and turn out to be catastrophically, historically, galaxy-alteringly wrong. [Laughter] And when that happens, yousa have two choices. Choice one: yousa give up. Yousa crawl back into the swamp. Yousa eat bugs and talk to frogs for the rest of yousa life. Choice two: yousa stand up. Yousa learn. Yousa say, “Meesa messed up. Meesa is sorry. And meesa is going to keep going, because the galaxy still needs people who are willing to try.” [Applause building] Now — some of yousa might be thinking: “Jar Jar, yousa accidentally helped create a galactic dictatorship. Maybe yousa should have crawled back into the swamp.” [Big laughter] And yousa know what? That’s fair. That’s a fair point. Meesa has thought about that. [Laughter continues] But meesa chose to keep going. Because the alternative — the alternative of hiding, of giving up, of letting the worst thing yousa ever did define the rest of yousa life — that’s not living. That’s just existing. And meesa didn’t survive the swamps, and the battle, and the Senate, and the Empire, just to exist. Meesa is here to LIVE. [Thunderous applause] And Lesson Number Five — the last lesson, meesa promise, then meesa will shut up — [Laughter] Lesson Number Five is this: [Slowly, clearly, without any Gungan dialect for the first time in the entire speech] The people who laugh at you are not the ones who matter. The people who matter are the ones who see you fall and help you up. Find those people. Hold onto them. And when THEY fall — and they will — be the one who helps them up. [Standing ovation. The entire audience is on their feet. The ovation lasts thirty seconds.] [Jar Jar’s dialect returns, grinning] Also, if yousa ever get the chance to ride a kaadu into battle, DO IT. It’s amazing. Meesa fell off eleven times, but STILL. [Laughter and applause]

[The applause dies down. Jar Jar steps back from the mic. Then steps forward again.] One more thing. [The audience sits back down] Meesa knows what people say about meesa. Meesa has read the HoloNet comments. Meesa has seen the memes. Meesa knows that there are beings in this galaxy who think meesa is the worst thing that ever happened to... everything. [Quiet laughter] And for a long time, that hurt. It hurt a lot. Meesa used to read those comments and think: maybe they’re right. Maybe meesa IS a mistake. Maybe the galaxy would be better off if meesa had stayed in that swamp. [Pause] But then meesa remembered something Qui-Gon Jinn said to meesa, a long time ago. He said: “The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.” [Big laughter] He was talking about MEESA. He was telling meesa to shut up. But yousa know what? He kept meesa around anyway. He saw something in meesa that meesa couldn’t see in meesa-self. And that is the final, most important truth meesa can give yousa: Yousa don’t have to see yousa own potential. Yousa just have to keep showing up until someone else sees it for yousa. [Long pause] And if no one sees it? [Whispered] Keep showing up anyway. [The audience rises for a final standing ovation. It lasts nearly a full minute. Jar Jar bows — trips over the mic cord — pulls the entire speaker system off the stage — it crashes into the front row — three audience members are knocked over —] JAR JAR: Meesa sorry! Meesa sorry! Is everybody okee-day?! [The three audience members, covered in debris, give him a standing ovation from the floor.] HOST (returning to stage, stepping over wreckage): That was... that was Senator Jar Jar Binks, everyone. We’ll, uh, we’ll take a fifteen-minute break to repair the stage. [Applause continues as Jar Jar exits, tripping twice more on the way out]

[After the stage has been repaired, Jar Jar returns for Q&A. He sits on a stool. The stool wobbles. He grabs the mic stand for balance. The mic stand falls over. A stagehand catches it. Jar Jar gives the stagehand a hug. The stagehand is visibly uncomfortable.] HOST: We have some questions from the audience. First question — yes, the Mon Calamari in the third row. AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Senator Binks, you mentioned trusting the wrong people. If you could go back in time, would you still propose the emergency powers motion? JAR JAR: [Long pause] That’s a big question. A really big question. [Thinks] If meesa could go back... meesa would ask more questions. Meesa would say, “Why meesa? Why now? What happens after?” Meesa wouldn’t say no. But meesa would make them explain why meesa should say yes. Because the problem wasn’t that meesa said yes. The problem was that meesa said yes without understanding what meesa was saying yes TO. And that’s — that’s true for all of us, isn’t it? How many times have yousa said yes to something without really understanding it? A job. A relationship. A terms-of-service agreement. [Laughter] Yeah. Yousa all clicked “accept” on that HoloNet update without reading it. Don’t judge meesa. [Big laughter] HOST: Next question. The Togruta near the back. AUDIENCE MEMBER 2: Do you ever feel like people underestimate you because of how you talk? JAR JAR: [Smiling] Every single day. [Pause] And meesa used to be angry about that. But then meesa realized something: being underestimated is a superpower. [Audience leans in] When people look at yousa and think yousa can’t do anything — they stop watching yousa. They stop worrying about yousa. They leave yousa alone. And that means yousa can do ANYTHING while they’re not looking. Meesa became a General while people weren’t looking. Meesa became a Senator while people weren’t looking. Meesa changed the entire political structure of the galaxy while people weren’t looking. [Pause] Granted, that last one was bad. But the PRINCIPLE is sound. [Laughter] HOST: One more question. The human in the front. AUDIENCE MEMBER 3: Senator Binks, what’s next for you? JAR JAR: [Big grin] Meesa writing a book! [Cheers] It’s called “The Gungan Way: How to Fail Upward and Accidentally Reshape Civilization.” [Huge laughter] Meesa publisher says it’s going to be a bestseller. Meesa publisher also says meesa needs to “tone down the parts about creating a dictatorship,” but meesa thinks that’s the most relatable part. [Laughter] Because haven’t we ALL accidentally created a dictatorship at some point? [Silence] No? Just meesa? [Silence] [Jar Jar looks at the audience. The audience looks at Jar Jar.] Okee-day. Fair enough. But yousa should still buy the book. [Standing ovation. Jar Jar stands up from the stool. The stool tips over. He catches it. The audience gasps. He puts it back upright. They cheer. He takes a bow. His ear dips into the water glass. He doesn’t notice.] HOST: Senator Jar Jar Binks, everyone! His book, “The Gungan Way,” is available for pre-order on the HoloNet. And please — please — watch your step on the way out. There’s still some debris from the earlier... incident. [Jar Jar waves goodbye. The lights come up. The audience files out, deeply inspired, mildly confused, and fundamentally unsure whether they just witnessed something profound or something terrible. Several are already pre-ordering the book.]