Wonder Woman
Where's the Training Arena?

NARRATOR: Diana Prince is a museum curator at the Smithsonian. She describes herself as "well-traveled" and is looking for a home that reflects her heritage — which she describes as "Mediterranean-adjacent."

DIANA: I grew up on an island. Natural stone, open courtyards, an arena for training. I want something that feels like home.

REALTOR RACHEL: So like a Mediterranean villa? Maybe a courtyard home?

DIANA: Yes. With a training arena. And high walls for defense. The walls are non-negotiable.

RACHEL: Defense from what?

DIANA: *pleasant smile that reveals nothing* Weather.

RACHEL: And the budget?

DIANA: I have gold coins. Many of them. Very old. Are those accepted?

RACHEL: We typically work in US dollars.

DIANA: I also have US dollars. My budget is $650,000. I was told this is "a lot" by human standards.

RACHEL: By... human standards?

DIANA: By... normal standards. Regular. People standards.

RACHEL: This Georgetown townhouse has beautiful exposed brick, original hardwood, and a lovely patio garden—

DIANA: Where is the training arena?

RACHEL: Ma'am, that's the living room.

DIANA: *punches the exposed brick wall* Hmm. Adequate. The mortar is original but the structural integrity is... acceptable.

RACHEL: Please don't punch the walls.

DIANA: How else would I test them?

RACHEL: There are inspectors for—

DIANA: *punches another wall* This one is weaker. Load-bearing?

RACHEL: Yes, that's load-bearing. Please stop testing the load-bearing walls.

DIANA: If it cannot withstand a single punch, it cannot withstand a siege. This is basic architecture.

RACHEL: Nobody is going to siege your townhouse in Georgetown.

DIANA: *the pleasant smile again* You say that now.

RACHEL'S INNER MONOLOGUE: She punched my listing's walls. Twice. With her bare hands. The brick didn't break — her hands didn't even bruise. She said the word "siege" like it was a normal home-buying concern. She brought gold coins. I am showing a house to someone who genuinely plans for medieval warfare in Georgetown.

RACHEL: This villa has natural stone construction, a central courtyard, and—

DIANA: *inhales deeply* Stone. Real stone. Not that painted drywall pretending to be stone. This is limestone. Possibly travertine. I can feel the earth in it.

RACHEL: It's a bit over budget at $680K—

DIANA: *already in the courtyard, doing lunges* The courtyard is adequate for basic drills. Not full combat training, but morning exercises. Sword work. Shield practice.

RACHEL: Sword work?

DIANA: Tai chi. I meant tai chi.

RACHEL: You said sword work.

DIANA: Tai chi with a... sword. It's a thing. *punches the courtyard wall* Excellent. This stone is siege-grade. I approve.

RACHEL: Please stop punching my listings.

DIANA: I will stop when the walls earn my respect. These walls have earned my respect.

RACHEL: This colonial has four bedrooms, a two-car garage, and a large fenced backyard—

DIANA: The walls are drywall.

RACHEL: Yes—

DIANA: *punches the wall, fist goes clean through* As I suspected.

RACHEL: YOU JUST PUT YOUR FIST THROUGH THE WALL.

DIANA: Exactly my point. An enemy could breach this in seconds. This is not a home. This is a suggestion of a home.

RACHEL: Nobody is going to punch through your wall!

DIANA: I just did.

RACHEL: ...Okay, that's fair, but normal people—

DIANA: The garage, however. *walks into the 2-car garage* This has potential. Clear the vehicles. Add mats. Mount targets on the walls. This could be a training arena.

RACHEL: Most people use the garage for cars.

DIANA: I don't need a car. I have a... I take the bus.

RACHEL'S INNER MONOLOGUE: She put her fist through the wall. Clean through. No wincing. No injury. Just pure contempt for drywall. She then calmly evaluated the garage as a "training arena" and said she takes the bus. No one who punches through walls takes the bus. I need to update my liability insurance.

DIANA: I'm choosing the suburban colonial. It's under budget, the garage will become my arena, and the backyard provides enough space for morning drills. I will reinforce the walls myself.

RACHEL: You're going to reinforce the walls... yourself?

DIANA: I am very handy. I once built a watchtower with my bare hands. A little drywall reinforcement is nothing.

RACHEL: A watchtower?

DIANA: For bird-watching. A bird-watching tower. With fortifications. For the birds.