Thor & Jane
Asgardian Expectations

NARRATOR: Thor Odinson is a... visiting dignitary from a foreign nation. Jane Foster is an astrophysicist. They're looking for their first home together, and their expectations could not be more different.

THOR: In Asgard, my bedchamber alone was larger than most of your Midgardian structures. My closet had twelve rooms. TWELVE. My bath had waterfalls. Plural. I am... adjusting my expectations.

JANE: He's adjusting. Slowly. Very slowly.

THOR: I understand that your realm has limitations. I do not require golden columns. I will accept... bronze.

JANE: We are not getting bronze columns. We are getting a three-bedroom with a garage and maybe, if we're lucky, a dishwasher.

THOR: In Asgard, the dishes cleaned themselves. They were enchanted. Your dishwashing machine is a pale imitation of magic, but I will accept it.

REALTOR TYLER: Budget?

JANE: $350,000. Astrophysicist salary.

THOR: I have Asgardian gold. Is that accepted on Midgard?

TYLER: ...We take US dollars.

THOR: Your currency is so fragile. It is made of cloth. In Asgard, our coins could withstand a dragon's breath.

TYLER: This adobe-style ranch has three bedrooms, open desert views, and a large backyard—

THOR: This dwelling has but THREE rooms? In Asgard, my closet had twelve.

JANE: You've mentioned the closet.

THOR: Because it was a MAGNIFICENT closet, Jane. It had its own weather system.

TYLER: The light switch for the kitchen is right here— *flips switch, nothing happens*

THOR: Your illumination device has failed. Allow me.

Thor raises his hand. A bolt of lightning strikes the house from a cloudless sky. Every light in the house turns on simultaneously. The circuit breaker explodes. Car alarms go off for three blocks.

JANE: THOR.

THOR: The lights work now.

TYLER: The circuit breaker is on fire.

THOR: A minor inconvenience. In Asgard, our power sources were eternal. Your "electricity" is charmingly fragile.

TYLER'S INNER MONOLOGUE: Lightning hit the house from a clear blue sky the moment the light switch failed. His hand was raised. He is somehow responsible for this. The circuit breaker is melted. There are scorch marks on the ceiling that were not there ten minutes ago. He called electricity "charmingly fragile." His girlfriend seems... used to this.

THOR: *upon seeing the grand staircase* AH! Now THIS is more befitting of a prince! The staircase! The columns! They are not golden, but they have... ambition.

JANE: It's $30K over budget.

THOR: In Asgard, we did not have "budgets." We had "whatever the All-Father deemed worthy." And the All-Father was very generous.

JANE: You're not the All-Father and this isn't Asgard, so we have a budget.

TYLER: The bedrooms are upstairs—

THOR: FIVE bedrooms! Five! That is almost half a closet! I am pleased!

JANE: He's measuring everything against the closet.

Thor tries the bathroom light. The bulb flickers. He raises his hand instinctively.

JANE: DO NOT summon lightning inside the house.

THOR: *slowly lowers hand* ...I was going to change the bulb.

JANE: With your hand raised to the ceiling?

THOR: ...I have long arms.

JANE: I love this. Updated kitchen, good light, home office space, and it's under budget.

THOR: *looking around with visible confusion* Where is the grandeur? Where is the... presence? This dwelling whispers when it should ROAR.

JANE: Houses don't roar, Thor.

THOR: In Asgard, the palace doors announced your arrival with the sound of a thousand war drums.

JANE: We don't need war drums. We need a dishwasher and a home office.

TYLER: The backyard is a quarter acre—

THOR: *eyes lighting up* That is sufficient for a Bifrost landing pad. The rainbow bridge requires a circular clearing of approximately 15 feet in diameter. This yard could accommodate that, plus a small training area for Mjolnir practice.

TYLER: What's a... Bifrost?

JANE: A deck. He wants to build a deck. A circular deck.

THOR: A RAINBOW deck that connects to another realm.

JANE: A. Deck.

JANE: We're going with the craftsman bungalow. It's under budget, has the space I need for my research, and the backyard is big enough for Thor's... circular deck project.

THOR: I have accepted the dwelling. It does not roar. But Jane has promised I may install a sound system that plays the Asgardian anthem when we open the front door.

JANE: I said maybe.

THOR: I heard "yes."