If Historical Figures
Had Podcasts

Hosted by Albert Einstein

Making physics accessible, one thought experiment at a time. Topics include why time is fake, what E=mc² means for your electric bill, and hair care tips from a man who gave up entirely.

Hosted by Cleopatra VII

Politics, beauty, and running empires — a lifestyle podcast. Dating two world leaders, entering rooms on rolled carpets, and negotiation tips that involve bringing a fleet.

Hosted by Sun Tzu

Ancient strategy for modern problems. A business podcast that's actually about war, but Sun Tzu keeps insisting it applies to quarterly earnings. LinkedIn influencers are obsessed.

Hosted by William Shakespeare

Drama, comedy, and the human condition — in iambic pentameter. Relationship autopsies, villain workshops, and an entire episode on whether he actually wrote this podcast.

Hosted by Leonardo da Vinci

Art, science, engineering, anatomy, and whatever he feels like this week. The podcast changes topic every episode because Leonardo cannot focus on one thing for more than eleven minutes.

Hosted by Julius Caesar

Conquering, governing, and managing office politics. How to cross rivers your boss told you not to, calendar reform, and a trust issues retrospective recorded in advance just in case.

Hosted by Marie Curie

A science podcast that literally radiates energy. Two Nobel Prizes, zero recognition from male colleagues, and lab safety tips from a woman whose notebooks are still radioactive.

Hosted by Genghis Khan

Scale your empire from a small steppe tribe to the largest contiguous land empire in human history. Motivational content, team management, and an alarming amount of horse-related advice.

Hosted by Benjamin Franklin

Founding father, inventor, diplomat, and the original side hustle king. Early to bed, early to rise, and still finding time to fly kites in thunderstorms and charm the French.

Hosted by Nikola Tesla

Wireless energy, alternating current, and a pigeon he loved. Every third episode is a rant about Edison. The other two are about inventions that were 100 years ahead of their time.

Hosted by Queen Elizabeth I

Ruling England, defeating the Spanish Armada, and refusing to marry anyone despite Parliament's constant nagging. The original girlboss podcast, 400 years before the term existed.