Warren Buffett

Character Overview

Race: Human. No variant. No feats at level 1. Just a human from Omaha who started reading annual reports at age 11 and never stopped. Sometimes the most powerful build is the simplest one.

Class: Divination Wizard, Level 20. The school of magic that lets you see the future — or more accurately, lets you see value that others cannot see yet.

Background: Sage. Proficiency in Arcana (accounting) and History (financial history). His library is a modest office in Omaha with no computer, no Bloomberg terminal, and a portrait of Benjamin Graham on the wall.

Hit Points: 122 (CON 16 and Cherry Coke). Has survived every market crash since 1956 without losing a single hit point. His HP only goes up.

Armor Class: 12 (Mage Armor via reputation). Nobody attacks him because he is universally respected, which is the best armor of all.

Speed: 15 ft. He is in no hurry. He has never been in a hurry. Speed is for people who don't know where they're going.

Ability Score Breakdown

INT20

Modifier: +5

Reads 500 pages a day. Since 1950.

WIS20

Modifier: +5

Has never panic-sold anything

CHA14

Modifier: +2

Folksy charm hides ruthless analysis

CON16

Modifier: +3

Fueled entirely by Cherry Coke

STR8

Modifier: -1

Has never carried anything heavier than a newspaper

DEX8

Modifier: -1

Moves slowly. Deliberately.

Equipment Inventory

Tome of Compound Interest

Legendary (Artifact)

A leather-bound ledger that doubles any gold deposited into it every 7 years. The tome is sentient and whispers, 'Be patient' whenever the wielder considers selling. +5 to all Investment rolls. Cannot be used in combat because the wielder refuses to rush. Has been in continuous use since 1942. Current value: incalculable. Buffett has never tried to attune to any other magical item.

Cherry Coke of Restoration

Common (to Buffett, Legendary)

Restores 2d4 hit points per sip. Buffett drinks five per day. The vendor in Omaha has a standing order of 60 cans per week. Grants advantage on Constitution saving throws against boredom during earnings calls. Rumored to be the true source of his longevity. Alchemists have studied the formula. They still don't understand.

Newspaper of Infinite Knowledge

Very Rare

An enchanted broadsheet that refreshes daily with all financial information in the realm. The wielder gains advantage on all Intelligence (Investigation) checks related to business valuations. Other wizards use crystal balls. Buffett uses a newspaper. He has been doing this since Eisenhower was president and sees no reason to switch.

Bridge Cards of Strategy

Rare

A deck of enchanted cards that improves probabilistic thinking when played for 12 hours per week. Buffett plays bridge with Bill Gates (Abjuration Wizard) using these cards. Grants +2 to Wisdom saving throws. The cards are simple. The mind they sharpen is not.

Wallet of Frugality

Uncommon (Self-Imposed)

A mundane leather wallet. Contains exactly one credit card and no more than $400 in cash at any time. Despite being the 5th wealthiest being in the material plane, Buffett has used this wallet since 1968. It imposes disadvantage on all Persuasion checks to get him to spend money on himself. He still lives in the house he bought for $31,500.

Spell List

LevelSpellNotes

FeaturePortentRolls two d20s each morning; knows the future before it happens

4thDivinationCast daily — asks one question about a company's intrinsic value

5thScryingUsed to read 10-Ks from the comfort of his La-Z-Boy

6thTrue SeeingSees through accounting fraud, hype cycles, and bubbles

9thForesightHis signature spell. Cannot be surprised. Advantage on everything.

2ndDetect ThoughtsUsed during shareholder meetings to gauge sentiment

Cantrip (Homebrew)PatienceDoes nothing. For decades. Then acts once and wins.

CantripGuidanceGiven freely to anyone who writes him a letter

Class Features

Portent (Divination Feature)

Each morning, Buffett rolls two d20s and records the results. He can replace any attack roll, saving throw, or ability check with one of these rolls. He has been doing this since 1956. He has never once used a portent die on anything other than an investment decision. He has never wasted one.

The Third Eye

Can see the true value of any object, business, or treasure hoard. Other wizards see a declining textile company. Buffett sees a vessel for a $900 billion holding empire. The Third Eye doesn't show what is — it shows what could be, if you wait long enough.

Greater Portent

At higher levels, rolls three portent dice instead of two. Buffett uses the third die exclusively for philanthropy-related decisions. He has allocated over $50 billion using this third die. The returns on these investments cannot be measured in gold.

Arcane Recovery

Can recover spell slots during a short rest. Buffett's version of a short rest is reading the Wall Street Journal for 3 hours while eating McDonald's. He emerges fully recharged. His party finds this unsettling.

Campaign Logs

70 years of adventuring, documented meticulously. The most boring campaign that generated the most extraordinary results.

The Paper Route Arc (Level 1–3)

Young Buffett delivers newspapers at dawn in Omaha. He makes $175 a month — more than most adults in the neighborhood. He files his first tax return at age 13, claiming a $35 deduction for his bicycle. The DM rules this is technically legal. The IRS agrees. His INT score is already higher than his party members'. He invests his earnings into a pinball machine placed in a barbershop. It generates passive income. He is 13.

Outcome: First passive income stream established. Compound interest begins.

The Benjamin Graham Mentorship (Level 4–8)

Buffett travels to Columbia to study under the great Wizard Benjamin Graham, author of 'The Intelligent Investor' — a spellbook so powerful it is still in print 75 years later. Graham teaches Buffett the discipline of value investing: buy things for less than they are worth, wait, and let mathematics do the rest. Buffett is the only student who gets an A+. He asks Graham for a job. Graham says no. Buffett offers to work for free. Graham says no again. Buffett goes home and starts buying stocks anyway.

Outcome: Learned the only spell that matters: buy cheap, hold forever.

The Berkshire Hathaway Transformation (Level 8–14)

Buffett buys a struggling textile mill called Berkshire Hathaway. It is, by his own later admission, the worst investment of his career. But instead of abandoning it, he transforms it into a holding company — a magical vessel that absorbs the power of every business it acquires. Insurance companies. Railroads. Candy shops. Furniture stores. Each acquisition makes the vessel stronger. The textile business eventually dies. The vessel becomes a $900 billion enterprise. The DM notes this is the longest running campaign in D&D history.

Outcome: Turned a bad purchase into the most powerful holding company in the realm.

The Dot-Com Bubble: The Wizard Who Did Nothing (Level 14–16)

The entire realm goes mad. Every adventurer is buying shares in companies that have no revenue, no products, and names that end in '.com.' Other wizards mock Buffett for not participating. They call him old. Out of touch. Finished. He sits in Omaha and drinks Cherry Coke. He does nothing. The bubble pops. Every wizard who mocked him loses 80% of their gold. Buffett's wealth is untouched. He starts buying. Cheaply.

Outcome: Patience is a 9th-level spell and he is the only one who can cast it.

The 2008 Crisis: Be Greedy When Others Are Fearful (Level 16–18)

The financial system collapses. Banks are failing. Goldman Sachs, one of the most powerful guilds in the realm, comes to Buffett on their knees. He lends them 5 billion gold pieces at a 10% interest rate and gets warrants worth billions more. Bank of America calls next. Same deal. GE calls. Same deal. While every other player at the table is panicking, Buffett is calmly deploying capital at terms that would make a loan shark blush. He writes an op-ed titled 'Buy American. I Am.' The realm stabilizes. Buffett makes a fortune.

Outcome: Deployed more capital in 6 months than most wizards earn in a lifetime.

The Giving Pledge: A Lawful Good Capstone (Level 18–20)

At level 18, Buffett announces he will give away 99% of his wealth — all of it — to philanthropic causes. He has already donated over $50 billion to the Gates Foundation. This is the most Lawful Good action in the history of the campaign. The DM asks if he's sure. Buffett says: 'I've been sure since 2006.' He continues to live in the same house. Drive the same car. Eat the same McDonald's breakfast. Nothing changes except the number on the ledger, which gets smaller by billions each year, directed to malaria nets and educational programs.

Outcome: The largest charitable commitment in human history. Alignment confirmed.

Personality Traits, Ideals, Bonds & Flaws

Personality Traits

•Speaks in folksy one-liners that are actually ruthless financial analysis in disguise.
•Will eat nothing but hamburgers, hot dogs, Cherry Coke, and See's Candies peanut brittle.
•Has not redecorated his office since approximately 1975.
•Answers every letter from shareholders personally. Every. Single. One.

Ideals

•Patience: The stock market is a device for transferring money from the impatient to the patient.
•Integrity: It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.

Bonds

•Bound to Omaha — has lived in the same city his entire life and sees no reason to leave.
•Bound to Berkshire Hathaway — it is less a company and more a 60-year concentration spell.
•Bound to Charlie Munger (Posthumous) — his intellectual partner for over 50 years.

Flaws

•STR 8 and DEX 8 — would be defeated in single combat by a determined housecat.
•Cannot use technology invented after 1995. His phone is a flip phone. His computer runs Windows XP.
•Refuses to diversify his portfolio because he knows exactly what he owns. This is either a flaw or a feature depending on your school of wizardry.
•Cherry Coke dependency. Five per day. This is not negotiable.

The Alignment Debate: Why Lawful Good

Warren Buffett is the easiest alignment call on this list. Lawful Good. Not close. Not debatable. The man follows rules (Lawful), does immense good with his wealth (Good), and has maintained the same moral code for 70+ years without a single scandal, betrayal, or alignment shift.

The "Lawful" is undeniable. Buffett plays within the system. He doesn't break rules — he reads the rules more carefully than anyone else and finds the opportunities that others missed. He pays his taxes. He follows regulations. He has never been accused of insider trading, market manipulation, or fraud. In a realm full of chaotic wizards breaking every rule, Buffett quietly follows every single one and still wins.

The "Good" is confirmed by the numbers. He has committed to giving away 99% of his wealth. He has already donated more than $50 billion. He lives in the same house. He eats McDonald's. He drives his own car. He has more money than most kingdoms, and his lifestyle is indistinguishable from a retired schoolteacher who is very, very good at bridge.

Lawful Good — the rarest alignment among billionaires, and the one that Buffett wears like a comfortable cardigan he bought in 1987 and sees no reason to replace.

“
The DM asked me what my character does on his turn. I said: 'Nothing. I hold my action.' He asked for how long. I said: 'Until the intrinsic value of the target exceeds the purchase price by a margin of safety of at least 25%.' That was 40 rounds ago. I'm still holding.
— Warren Buffett, Lawful Good Divination Wizard, annual shareholder session recap

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