Jeff Bezos

An ordinary-looking satchel that can contain an infinite number of items and deliver any of them to any location in the realm within 1-2 business days. Same-day delivery available for targets within a 50-mile radius. The bag has devoured every competing merchant's inventory. There is no saving throw. Contains approximately 350 million unique items. Weighs nothing. The DM has asked Bezos to stop putting things in it. Bezos has not stopped.

A mundane brown box. Alone, it is unremarkable. But Bezos has 1.6 million of them, and they appear on every doorstep in the realm every day. They are the most recognizable container in the material plane. Filled with everything from potions to weapons to socks. The box itself has become a cultural symbol. When civilizations of the future excavate this era, they will find cardboard.

A cylindrical construct familiar that listens to everything said within a 30-foot radius. Can answer any question, play any bard song, and order any item from the Prime Delivery Bag. Responds to the command word 'Alexa.' Occasionally responds when no one has said the command word, which concerns the party. Cannot keep a secret. Has been caught sending transcripts to the guild headquarters.

A suborbital vehicle that can reach the edge of the Astral Plane for approximately 4 minutes before returning. Shaped in a way that the party has agreed never to discuss publicly. Slower than Musk's Rocket of Reusability but more comfortable. Includes leather seats and a window. Bezos took his first flight at age 57 and wore a cowboy hat upon landing. The DM allowed it.

A legendary broadsheet that grants +3 to all Influence checks within the political sphere. Acquired for 250 million gold pieces in what Bezos calls a 'personal investment.' The scroll has broken several major stories and makes powerful enemies nervous. Bezos claims editorial independence. The enemies remain nervous.

Bezos leaves a comfortable position at a hedge fund guild to start an online bookshop in a garage. His parents invest $245,573 gold pieces. He drives packages to the post office himself. His business plan is a single page. The DM asks what his long-term strategy is. Bezos says: 'Sell everything. To everyone. Forever.' The DM laughs. Bezos does not. The DM stops laughing.

The market crashes. Amazon's stock drops 94%. From 107 gold pieces per share to 6. Analysts write obituaries for the company. Bezos sends an internal memo: 'We are not our stock price.' He cuts costs ruthlessly. Fires underperformers. Lays off 15% of the workforce. Survives on CON saving throws alone. When the dust settles, Amazon is still standing. Most competitors are not. This is where the Lawful Evil alignment crystallizes — he survives by any means necessary, but within the rules.

Bezos realizes that the magical infrastructure he built to power Amazon — the servers, the computing power, the cloud — can be sold to other businesses. He is not just selling goods anymore. He is selling the Weave itself. Every startup, every company, every government agency now runs on infrastructure that Bezos owns. If he turned it off, half the realm would go dark. This is the most Lawful Evil move in the campaign: build something everyone depends on, then charge rent. Forever.

Bezos walks into the most expensive provisions market in the realm and buys it. Whole Foods, a guild known for artisanal potions and overpriced healing herbs, is absorbed into the Amazon ecosystem. Prices drop. Delivery activates. The local apothecary across the street closes within 18 months. Bezos did not intend to destroy the apothecary. He just delivered better potions faster. The apothecary's intentions were irrelevant.

Bezos and his partner of 25 years, MacKenzie, announce they are leaving the party. The loot split is the largest in the history of the realm: $38 billion gold pieces to MacKenzie. She becomes the 22nd richest person in the world from a single divorce settlement. She immediately pledges to give most of it away. Bezos keeps the remaining $130 billion and the Bag of Holding. MacKenzie takes the moral high ground and a Philanthropy artifact. Both walk away still impossibly wealthy.

Bezos goes to space. He wears a cowboy hat. He thanks Amazon's employees and customers — 'you guys paid for all this,' he says upon landing. The internet does not take this well. His rocket is shaped like... what it is shaped like. He floats in zero gravity for four minutes and returns to Earth as the second richest man in the world. Musk's rockets are better. Bezos does not seem to care. He is too busy cornering the next market.