Elon Musk

Once per round, the wielder may tweet a thought to all creatures within a 10,000-mile radius. The tweet cannot be taken back. On a roll of 1-10, the tweet destroys 5% of the wielder's net worth. On a roll of 11-20, it generates 2d6 billion in market cap. The wielder is compelled to use this item at least once per long rest. Attunement cannot be broken.

A vehicle of unusual geometry. AC 18 against conventional weapons, but AC 8 against thrown steel balls. The windows shatter on a critical fail (DC 5). Grants advantage on Intimidation checks in parking lots. Disadvantage on all Stealth checks because everyone is staring at it.

Creates a 30-foot tunnel through solid rock at a speed of 10 feet per round. Named 'Gary' for unknown reasons. Can also be used to build underground transit systems that nobody asked for but that are, admittedly, kind of cool. Requires attunement and a municipal permit (DC 25 Persuasion check).

A single-use rocket that is not, in fact, single-use. Can be launched, landed, and launched again. Every previous civilization that attempted this rolled a natural 1 and exploded. Musk rolled a natural 20. Twice. In a row. Grants the ability to reach any plane of existence, including Mars (which is currently empty).

A flamethrower. Despite the name, it is a flamethrower. Deals 2d6 fire damage. Sold 20,000 units in 4 days. The ATF was not amused. Technically classified as a 'roofing torch' for regulatory purposes.

Young artificer joins a party of rogues in the Financial District dungeon. Internal party conflict is extreme — two co-founders try to assassinate each other's characters every session. Musk survives through sheer stubbornness and a lucky roll that makes him the party leader. The party eventually sells the dungeon to a larger guild (eBay) for 1.5 billion gold pieces. Musk takes his share and immediately spends it on rockets. His party members buy islands.

Musk announces he will build a rocket to reach the Astral Plane. The entire Artificer's Guild laughs. His first three rockets explode on the launch pad (critical failures on DC 20 checks). He is down to his last spell slot. His last rocket. One more failure and he's done. He rolls. Natural 20. The rocket lands itself. The guild stops laughing.

Musk takes over a struggling carriage company and tries to convert it to lightning-powered vehicles. Every expert in the realm says it can't be done. He sleeps in the factory. Literally. His Constitution save of 14 lets him survive on 4 hours of sleep for months. Production goes from 2,000 carriages per week to 5,000. He fires the quality control team. Then rehires them. Then fires them again. The carriages are excellent. The process is chaos.

Musk sees the Staff of Tweeting is for sale. He tweets 'I'll buy it.' Everyone assumes he's joking. He is not joking. He tries to back out. He cannot back out. He tries a Deception check to claim the sale was invalid. He rolls a 3. The sale goes through. He immediately fires 80% of the staff, renames the tavern, and replaces the sign with a letter no one recognizes. Engagement goes up. Revenue goes down. He tweets about it at 2 AM.

Musk announces he will connect humanoid brains directly to the Weave — the source of all magic. The Cleric's Guild calls it heresy. The Wizard's Guild calls it unnecessary. Musk calls it 'version 0.1.' Early tests on animal companions show promise. The ethics committee (two druids and a paladin) file a formal complaint. Musk tweets at them. They file another complaint.

While the rest of the party focuses on the main quest (Earth), Musk opens the map and points to a small red dot in the corner. 'I want to go there,' he says. The DM explains there is nothing there. No life. No treasure. No quest hook. Musk says 'exactly' and begins building a colony ship. The party watches in a mixture of awe and horror. He has allocated all of his 9th-level spell slots to this side quest. The main quest is on hold.