Warren Buffett Reviews
Tony Stark's Portfolio

Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Stark. I’ve reviewed your portfolio and I have some thoughts.

Editor's note: Buffett has brought a single manila folder. Stark has brought a holographic display.

Call me Tony. And don’t worry about the holographic display—it just projects my net worth in real time. It’s mostly for ambiance.

Your net worth is... fluctuating. It just went up twelve billion dollars.

Yeah, I patented a new alloy during breakfast. Happens sometimes. What were you saying about my portfolio?

Well, Tony, I see here that 94% of your portfolio is invested in Stark Industries. That’s what we call ‘concentration risk.’

I call it ‘confidence.’

The remaining 6% appears to be invested in something called ‘Project: Time Heist.’ I don’t have a ticker symbol for that.

That’s not publicly traded. Yet.

Tony, let me share a philosophy that has served me well for seventy years. I invest in businesses I understand. Simple businesses. Coca-Cola. GEICO. See’s Candies. Things people use every day.

People use repulsor beams every day.

No, they don’t.

They would if I marketed them correctly. I’m thinking consumer-grade repulsor technology. ‘RepulsorHome.’ It cooks, cleans, and defends against alien invasions. Three use cases. Blue ocean strategy.

I don’t invest in things I don’t understand.

That must be a very short list for you.

Editor's note: There is a long pause. Buffett takes a sip of Cherry Coke.

I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. Let’s talk about your burn rate.

My burn rate is phenomenal. The Mark XLVII goes through jet fuel at—

I mean your spending rate, Tony. Not literal burning. Your R&D expenses last quarter were forty-seven billion dollars.

I saved the planet.

That’s wonderful. But from an investment perspective, there’s no line item for ‘planet saving’ in GAAP accounting.

There should be. I’ll disrupt GAAP accounting. JARVIS, make a note—disrupt GAAP.

Noted, sir. Shall I also add ‘revolutionize cherry cola’ to the list? Mr. Buffett seems to enjoy it.

Please don’t revolutionize cherry cola. The recipe is perfect. Let me suggest something. Have you considered putting some money into index funds? Just set it and forget it. The S&P 500 has averaged about 10% annually for a hundred years.

Ten percent? I made ten percent while we’ve been sitting here. Literally. I just sold a patent to Wakanda.

Compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world, Tony.

I’ve literally seen all eight wonders of the world. From the air. In a suit I built. While fighting a guy named Whiplash. Compound interest is not on the list.

Let’s try a different approach. What’s your moat?

I have an actual moat. Around the Malibu house. Well, I did. The Mandarin blew it up. But I’m rebuilding with vibranium-reinforced—

I mean your competitive advantage. What stops someone from replicating what you do?

The fact that I’m a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist? In that order. Sometimes I swap genius and billionaire depending on the day.

[Closes folder.] Tony, I’m going to be honest with you. I have been investing since I was eleven years old. I have met every kind of investor. I have never met anyone who treats a portfolio like a garage full of flying suits.

Thank you.

That was not a compliment.

Everything anyone says to me is a compliment. I choose to interpret all feedback as positive. It’s a productivity hack.

Your approach to risk management is... let me find the right word...

Bold? Visionary? Unprecedented?

Terrifying. Your approach to risk management is terrifying. You invested three billion dollars in a time machine.

And it worked. Infinite ROI.

That’s not how ROI works.

It is when you can literally go back in time and buy Berkshire Hathaway at $19 a share.

Editor's note: Buffett looks genuinely intrigued for the first time.

...Tell me more about this time machine.

Now you’re speaking my language.

Consider allocating at least 1% of portfolio to index funds

Status: Stark said he'd rather build his own index

Review time machine prospectus (strictly confidential)

Status: Unexpectedly interested

Do NOT disrupt GAAP accounting or cherry cola

Status: Noted reluctantly

Stop patenting things during meetings

Status: Filed 3 patents during this agenda item

Schedule follow-up meeting to discuss Berkshire acquiring Stark Industries

Status: Neither will agree on price