87
Years Avoiding Throne
67
Year Age Gap
1
Sword Reforged
∞
Reluctance Level
Early Morning — 5:47 AM to 8:12 AM
Woke up before dawn. Classic ranger behavior. Can't stop even when there's nothing to patrol.
5:47 AM
how to avoid destiny
5:49 AM
can you legally refuse a crown
5:52 AM
what happens if no one claims a throne for 1000 years
6:03 AM
how long can you be a ranger before it's weird
6:08 AM
average retirement age for park rangers
6:15 AM
is 87 too old to get married
6:18 AM
age gap relationship advice (67 years)
6:22 AM
is it weird if your girlfriend's dad is also your foster dad
6:30 AM
Arwen Evenstar long distance relationship tips
6:37 AM
how to tell girlfriend's immortal father you're worthy
7:45 AM
Dúnedain life expectancy chart
8:12 AM
best moisturizer for weathered skin
Midday — 11:30 AM to 2:45 PM
The sword situation is getting urgent. Also, apparently there's a war.
11:30 AM
how to reforge a broken sword
11:33 AM
sword reforging near me
11:35 AM
elven blacksmith Rivendell reviews
11:40 AM
can you reforge a sword that's been broken for 3000 years
11:48 AM
Narsil warranty still valid?
12:15 PM
Gondor leadership vacuum legal implications
12:22 PM
what does a steward actually do
12:30 PM
can a steward refuse to give the throne back
1:05 PM
how to look kingly when you've been sleeping in ditches for decades
2:45 PM
public speaking tips for coronation
Afternoon — 3:00 PM to 6:30 PM
War planning. Motivational speech drafting. Ghost army logistics.
3:00 PM
how to inspire army outnumbered 10 to 1
3:08 PM
motivational speeches that start with "this day we fight"
3:15 PM
how to make eye contact with 10,000 soldiers simultaneously
3:22 PM
"but it is not this day" speech structure analysis
4:10 PM
is it weird to talk to ghosts
4:14 PM
how to command an army of the dead without seeming rude
4:20 PM
ghost army employment law
4:25 PM
do ghosts need to fill out W-2 forms
4:33 PM
can you release an oath-bound ghost army early for good behavior
5:45 PM
what to say when an elf dwarf and wizard ask you to lead them
6:30 PM
how to track hobbits across 300 miles without GPS
Late Night — 10:00 PM to 2:15 AM
The existential dread hours. Strider stares into the campfire and opens an incognito tab.
10:00 PM
Isildur's mistakes what not to do
10:12 PM
can you inherit ancestor's bad decisions
10:30 PM
generational trauma but for an entire bloodline
11:15 PM
dramatic cloak flipping techniques
11:22 PM
how to look ruggedly handsome and not just dirty
11:40 PM
do elves think humans smell bad
12:05 AM
Elvish love poems translated to Common
1:30 AM
"not all those who wander are lost" who wrote this about me
1:45 AM
does anyone actually want to be king
2:15 AM
fine I'll be king how to start
"I would have followed you, my brother. My captain. My king. But first I need to check if you cleared your search history."
— Boromir, probably
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