#death-star-ops

Sir, all systems nominal. Superlaser charged to 100%. We are, quite literally, the most powerful weapon in the galaxy. Nothing can stop us.

Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed.

Lord Vader, your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Rebels' hidden fort—

Reminder: Choking coworkers violates Imperial Workplace Policy Section 7.4.2. Please file incident reports via #hr-complaints.

nvm

Sir, I've been reviewing the station schematics and I noticed there's a thermal exhaust port that leads directly to the main reactor. It's only about 2 meters wide, but technically if a proton torpedo were to—

Let's stay focused, people. The exhaust port is ray-shielded. It would require a direct hit from a proton torpedo traveling at an impossible angle. The odds of that are approximately 3,720 to 1.

Sir, about the ray shielding — it only blocks energy weapons. A physical proton torpedo could actually—

Uh, sir? We're picking up a group of snubfighters heading this way.

Snubfighters? Surely you can't be serious.

I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.

A handful of X-wings against the Death Star? We will not be needing to scramble fighters. Our turbolaser batteries will handle this.

I sense something. A presence I have not felt since...

I'm going out there.

Lord Vader, you can't just leave the command center to go fly a TIE Fighter personally. That's not how chain of command works.

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Sir, these fighters are too small for our turbolasers. We can't hit them.

What do you mean you can't hit them? You're the size of a moon.

ALERT: Multiple rebel fighters entering the meridian trench. Trajectory analysis indicates they are heading toward Sector 7-G. Specifically toward the thermal exhaust port.

Sir, that's the exhaust port TK-421 was trying to tell you about.

I said we're fine.

I have them in my sights. The Force is strong with the lead pilot. He's switched off his targeting computer for some reason.

Wait, who invited Rebel pilots to this channel?

It's a shared workspace. The Empire really needs to upgrade their Slack plan.

I have you now.

NEW SHIP DETECTED in sector. Identification: YT-1300 freighter. Pilot: "YAHOO!"

WHAT

I've been hit. I'm spinning. My wingmen are dead. This is fine.

I'm going in.

WARNING: Pilot Red Five has DISABLED targeting computer. Manual aim selected. This voids all warranties.

CRITICAL ALERT: Proton torpedo impact detected in thermal exhaust port. Chain reaction initiated. Estimated time to catastrophic failure: 4.7 seconds.

Wait what

EVACUATE

I LITERALLY TOLD YOU ABOUT THE EXHAUST PORT THIS MORNING

@tarkin has left the channel (permanently).

@motti has left the channel (permanently). @ie-lead has left the channel (permanently). @sensor-officer has left the channel (permanently). 1,186,295 other users have left the channel (permanently).

I just woke up. What did I miss? Why is the Death Star not showing on the org chart anymore?

Fine. Start building another one. Bigger this time. And maybe cover the exhaust ports.

New project created: Death Star II. Budget: 1.2 trillion credits. Timeline: 4 years. Status: What could possibly go wrong.