#avengers-initiative

Fury, it's 8 AM. Some of us were in the middle of breakfast. I had a really nice omelet going.

Stark. Aliens. Manhattan. NOW.

Fine. JARVIS, suit up. Also someone save my omelet.

How do I make the text bigger on this thing?

Also what is a "channel"? Is this like a radio frequency?

ATTENTION MORTALS. The Bifrost has deposited me in what you call "Midtown." Where is the battle? Also, why is this messaging system not powered by lightning?

Thor posted a message in #midgard-weather: "STORMS INCOMING. YOU ARE WELCOME."

My apologies. I do not understand your Midgardian communication channels. There are too many of them.

Can everyone focus? There are Chitauri pouring out of a hole in the sky. I need tactical positions. Also, I'm filing expense reports for the last mission — does anyone have receipts for the quinjet fuel?

Hey does anyone see me up here? I'm on the roof.

Guys?

I'm literally on top of a skyscraper with a bow and arrow fighting aliens. Does ANYONE see me?

Sorry, who is this?

I will remember this, Stark.

HULK HERE. HULK READY TO SMASH.

Bruce, can you turn off caps lock?

HULK DOES NOT KNOW WHAT CAPS LOCK IS. HULK ONLY KNOWS SMASH.

ALSO HULK KEYBOARD KEEP BREAKING. TINY BUTTONS. HULK FINGERS TOO BIG.

DAMAGE REPORT: 47 buildings damaged. 3 city blocks compromised. 214 vehicles destroyed. Estimated cleanup cost: $18.4 billion. Sir, your insurance premiums will be substantial.

JARVIS, I said damage report, not my accountant's anxiety attack.

Did you just say NUKE? As in a nuclear weapon? On MANHATTAN?

Welcome to the 21st century, Cap. Where the bureaucrats are more dangerous than the aliens.

FINALLY. GOOD PLAN. HULK LIKE SHORT INSTRUCTIONS.

Did Cap just give us all one-line instructions while I'm out here doing quantum physics in a flying suit?

Stark, are you always this difficult?

Yes.

I have struck the portal with the full might of Mjolnir! The lightning appears to be destroying the Chitauri as they emerge! This pleases me greatly!

HULK JUST PUNCHED GIANT SPACE WHALE. SPACE WHALE DID NOT LIKE IT.

HULK ALSO PUNCHED PUNY GOD. PUNY GOD IN FLOOR NOW. PUNY GOD MAKING WHIMPERING NOISES.

I would like a drink now, please.

INCOMING ALERT: Nuclear missile detected. Origin: World Security Council. Target: Manhattan. Time to impact: 3 minutes.

I TOLD THEM NOT TO. STARK, CAN YOU INTERCEPT?

Yeah, I see it. I'm going to grab it and fly it through the portal. Into space. With the alien army.

Stark, you know that's a one-way trip.

Save me a spot at shawarma.

Going through now. Signal might cut out. If Pepper calls, tell her... actually never mind, she'll know.

Connection to Stark suit: LOST. Vitals: UNAVAILABLE. Signal: NONE.

Close it. Close the portal. Now.

PORTAL STATUS: Closing. Chitauri fleet: NEUTRALIZED. Nuclear threat: ELIMINATED.

He's falling. He's not slowing down. He's not flying. Why isn't he flying.

HULK CATCH METAL MAN.

HULK SCREAM AT METAL MAN. METAL MAN WAKE UP. YOU ARE WELCOME.

What just happened? Please tell me nobody kissed me.

Have you ever had shawarma? There's a shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don't know what it is but I want to try it.

So is anyone going to acknowledge that I spent the entire battle on a roof with a bow and arrow and I was actually really effective?

You did great, Clint.

FINAL DAMAGE REPORT: Manhattan structural damage: $88.2 billion. Chitauri casualties: ~4,000. Avengers casualties: 0. Shawarma restaurants still standing: 1. Loki: In custody (floor-shaped).

Good work, team. The Avengers Initiative is officially active. Debrief at 1400 hours. Mandatory.

Can't make it. Shawarma.

Quick reminder: I still need those fuel receipts. Also, does anyone know the SHIELD reimbursement code for "alien invasion"? It's not in the dropdown menu.

How do I log out of this thing?