Voyage Risk
Assessment

Gentlemen, thank you for gathering. I know we’re all very busy preparing for departure, so let’s keep this brief. I want to be at the captain’s dinner by seven.

I have prepared a forty-page risk assessment document. I sent it to the group last Tuesday. Has everyone had a chance to review it?

I skimmed the executive summary.

Editor's note: He did not skim the executive summary.

I printed it out but left it in my other jacket.

I read the whole thing. It’s terrifying.

Thank you, Murdoch. Let’s begin with the structural overview. The Titanic has sixteen watertight compartments. She can stay afloat with up to four compartments flooded. However—

Four! Excellent. So she’s unsinkable.

I would prefer we not use that word. I was about to say: if five or more compartments are breached, the ship will sink. The bulkheads do not extend to the top deck, which means water can overflow from one compartment to the next, like—

Like an ice cube tray. Very clever design, Andrews.

That is… not a compliment, sir. That is the vulnerability I’m trying to explain.

I’m sure it will be fine.

Editor's note: Captain Smith says this about everything.

Moving on to lifeboats. Current capacity: 1,178 persons. Expected passenger and crew count: approximately 2,200.

So we have lifeboats for roughly half the people on board.

Correct. I originally designed the ship with forty-eight lifeboats, which would have been sufficient for everyone. The number was reduced to twenty to—and I quote the design review notes—“avoid cluttering the deck and maintain aesthetic lines.”

The deck looks magnificent. Passengers want to promenade, Andrews. They don’t want to stare at lifeboats. Nobody buys a first-class ticket to look at emergency equipment.

They might want to sit in one, sir.

Noted. Moving on. I want to discuss arrival time. The press has been reporting that we will arrive in New York on Tuesday evening. I think we can do better. I want Wednesday morning at the latest—but what if we arrive Tuesday afternoon?

That would require running at close to maximum speed for the entire crossing.

And?

The North Atlantic in April is known for ice. Running at full speed through an ice field at night would be—

Headlines. It would be headlines, Captain. “Titanic Arrives Ahead of Schedule.” Think of the press coverage.

Think of the icebergs.

We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Sir, there are no bridges in the Atlantic. That’s the problem.

It’s a figure of speech, Murdoch.

Can we return to the lifeboat issue? We are short approximately 1,000 seats. In the event of an emergency—

There will be no emergency. She is the finest ship ever built.

I built her. And I am telling you she has vulnerabilities.

Every ship has vulnerabilities. That’s why we have insurance.

Insurance does not help the 1,000 people without lifeboats, sir.

I’m sure it will be fine.

If I may raise another concern. Our lookouts do not have binoculars. The binoculars were locked in a cabinet, and the officer who had the key was reassigned before departure. Nobody knows where the key is.

The lookouts have eyes, don’t they?

Yes, sir. But eyes are significantly less effective at spotting icebergs at night than binoculars.

Tell them to squint. Next item.

I’d like to discuss the watertight door response time. In my testing, closing all watertight doors takes approximately thirty seconds from the bridge. However, if the damage is extensive enough—say, a side impact from a large object—

What large object would hit us from the side?

An iceberg, sir. We’ve been discussing this for twenty minutes.

I thought we resolved the iceberg discussion.

We did not resolve it. You said ‘next item.’ That is not resolution. That is avoidance.

Editor's note: Andrews is describing approximately 73% of all corporate meetings.

Let me be very clear. This ship represents a £7.5 million investment by the White Star Line. We will arrive in New York ahead of schedule. We will receive glowing press coverage. We will NOT be known as the company that delayed a maiden voyage because an architect was worried about ice cubes floating in the ocean.

They are not ice cubes. Some of them are the size of this ship.

I’m sure we’ll see them in time.

Editor's note: They will not see them in time.

Captain, with all due respect, you have just agreed with every single thing Mr. Ismay has said in this meeting. Do you have an independent opinion on any of these matters?

I’m sure everything will be fine.

I’d like to go on record that I flagged the binocular issue, the speed issue, and the lifeboat shortage. Can someone write that in the minutes?

We are not keeping minutes for this meeting. This was informal.

Editor's note: They are definitely keeping minutes. You are reading them.

Can I at least get a commitment that we will not run at full speed through a known ice field at night?

You can get a commitment that I will take your concerns under advisement.

“Under advisement” is corporate for “no.”

It is corporate for “I heard you,” which is different from “I agree with you.” Meeting adjourned. See you all at the captain’s dinner.

[Quietly, gathering his papers.] I am going to spend the next four days memorizing the ship’s layout. Just in case.

Editor's note: He will use this knowledge to direct passengers to lifeboats during the sinking. He will not get on a lifeboat himself.

Submit revised lifeboat count proposal (48 boats)

Status: Rejected — aesthetics take priority

Locate the key to the binocular cabinet

Status: Key is somewhere in Southampton — no one knows where

Develop contingency plan for ice field navigation

Status: Plan: “I’m sure it will be fine”

Take Andrews’ concerns “under advisement”

Status: Translation: will not be done

Spot icebergs using eyes (binoculars unavailable)

Status: Good luck

Attend captain’s dinner and not think about icebergs

Status: Completed — everyone had a lovely time