#continental-lounge
John Wick
Continental Lounge
The Continental Hotel's Slack workspace during John Wick's return. Someone killed his dog. The entire channel went silent. Then every assassin in the underworld typed "oh no." Body count updates courtesy of the housekeeping bot.
Channel Messages
#continental-lounge
The Continental Hotel Workspace · New York City
Good morning, everyone. A reminder of Continental Hotel rules: No business conducted on hotel grounds. Gold coins only. Complimentary continental breakfast until 10 AM. Violations will result in excommunicado status. Please conduct yourselves accordingly.
Today's guest check-ins: Ms. Perkins (Room 818), Mr. Nobody (Room 1221), and a gentleman who only said "I need a room" while covered in blood (Room 1401). Standard Tuesday.
Yo. So Iosef Tarasov just brought a '69 Mustang Boss 429 into my shop. Wanted new VINs. Papers. The whole package. I looked at the car. I looked at Iosef. And then I punched Iosef in the face.
Aurelio. You punched my son. My SON.
Yes, sir. I did.
May I ask why?
Because he stole John Wick's car, sir. And killed his dog.
Oh.
oh no
oh no
oh no
oh no
oh no
oh NO
oh no
OH NO
Oh dear.
Iosef. Let me tell you a story. John Wick isn't the boogeyman. He's the one you send to KILL the boogeyman. Once, I saw him kill three men in a bar. With a PENCIL. A pencil. Who does that?
It's just a car and a dog, Dad. How bad can it be?
It's not what you did, son, that angers me so. It's who you did it to.
who? who is this guy?
We called him Baba Yaga.
baba yaga? like the boogeyman?
No. The boogeyman checks under his bed for John Wick. I have to go. I need to call every assassin in the city. Possibly the state. Possibly the hemisphere.
ALERT: 12 armed individuals have entered John Wick's residence. Continental tracking active.
UPDATE: 12 armed individuals have been neutralized at John Wick's residence. Time elapsed: 4 minutes.
Four minutes. He hasn't lost a step.
Cleanup request filed for John Wick residence. Bodies: 12. Estimated cleanup time: 6 hours. Dinner reservation required: No.
I'd like a room, please.
Certainly, Mr. Wick. Shall I prepare your usual table for dinner?
Just the room.
Posted in #bounty-board: Viggo's put a $2 million open contract on John Wick. My professional recommendation: don't take it. Every single one of you will die. I say this with love.
$2 million though...
You can't spend $2 million if you're dead, Kevin.
I'm going to take the contract. I know he's at the Continental. I know the rules say no business on hotel grounds. But $2 million is $2 million.
VIOLATION: Ms. Perkins has conducted business on Continental grounds. Rule broken. Winston has been notified.
Ms. Perkins. Rules are rules. Your membership to the Continental has been revoked.
Ms. Perkins has been removed from the Continental workspace. Permanently.
Daily body count update. Bodies attributed to John Wick in last 24 hours: 22. Running total: 34. Cleaning crew overtime hours: 47. Dry cleaning bills: $14,200. Pencil inventory: depleted.
I'm raising the bounty to $4 million. Someone please stop this man. He is one person. ONE. How is this possible?
I told you, man. You should've given the car back. You should've given the car back AND bought him a new dog AND apologized AND moved to another continent.
People keep asking me if I'm back. Yeah, I'm thinking I'm back.
Updated body count. Total attributed to John Wick: 77. #housekeeping is requesting additional staff. Current wait time for cleanup: 3 hours. Plastic sheeting budget: exceeded. Red Circle nightclub: closed indefinitely for "renovations."
Is there a way to un-steal a car? Asking urgently.
Iosef Tarasov has been removed from the workspace. Permanently.
My son.
You were warned. By literally everyone. Multiple times. In writing. In this channel.
Viggo Tarasov has been removed from the workspace. Permanently.
FINAL TALLY. Bodies attributed to John Wick: 84. Vehicles destroyed: 13. Buildings damaged: 4. Pencils used as weapons: 3. Dogs harmed after the original incident: 0. New dog adopted: 1. Continental Hotel damages: $0 (Mr. Wick respects the rules).
The situation has been resolved. The Continental remains neutral ground. Mr. Wick's tab has been settled. One gold coin, as always. I trust this serves as a reminder to all members: know who you're stealing from. Breakfast is served until 10.
I have a new dog now. His name is Boy. We're going home.
Welcome home, Mr. Wick.
People keep asking me if I'm back. Yeah, I'm thinking I'm back.
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