Hamilton vs Burr:
Founding Frenemies

Caribbean orphan turned Founding Father. Secretary of the Treasury. Author of 51 of the 85 Federalist Papers. When told the confessional booth had a 3-minute limit, he wrote a formal letter to the producers arguing that restricting his speech was unconstitutional. The letter was 27 pages. He was allowed unlimited confessional time. He used all of it. Every episode. His shortest confessional is 11 minutes. His longest is 4 hours. He does not understand the concept of a rhetorical question — he answers them all, at length, in writing.

Lawyer. Senator. Vice President. Professional fence-sitter. When asked his opinion on literally any topic, he smiles politely and says, "I see merit in both perspectives." His confessionals are 90 seconds of thoughtful silence followed by, "I think things are going well." The producers beg him to say something controversial. He declines. Politely. Hamilton calls him "a man of no convictions" in Episode 2. Burr responds, "I wouldn’t characterize it that way." He does not say how he would characterize it.

Commander-in-chief. First President. The only person Hamilton and Burr both respect. Spends every episode trying to keep them from destroying each other and the republic they just built. His confessionals are just him rubbing his temples. "I fought a war for this," he says in Episode 4. "I crossed the Delaware in December. In a rowboat. For this." Retires after Episode 8 because he "cannot do another season of this." The show collapses without him.

Secretary of State. Author of the Declaration of Independence. Lives in France for half the show and sends letters designed exclusively to cause problems. Returns in Episode 5 and immediately starts a rival political party. His confessionals are delivered from a chaise lounge with a glass of wine. "I simply believe in states’ rights, agrarian democracy, and watching Alexander Hamilton have a nervous breakdown on camera. Is that so wrong?"

Hamilton’s wife. The emotional anchor of the show. Keeps telling the producers that this is getting out of hand. They agree. They do not intervene because ratings are excellent. After the Reynolds Pamphlet incident (Episode 6), she burns Hamilton’s letters on camera. It is the most dramatic moment in reality TV history until the finale. Her confessional afterward: "I married a genius. Unfortunately, genius does not preclude being a complete and total fool."

The Roommates

Hamilton and Burr meet at a Princeton mixer in 1773. They hit it off immediately. Both are orphans. Both are ambitious. Both want to change the world. The producers think they've found the next great buddy duo. Hamilton talks for 45 minutes straight about his economic theories. Burr listens, nods, and says, "Those are certainly ideas." Hamilton's confessional: "I think I've found a true intellectual equal." Burr's confessional: "He seems... energetic." Washington appears at the end of the episode to recruit them both for the Revolutionary War. He will regret this.

The War Buddies

Hamilton and Burr serve together in the Continental Army. Hamilton writes Washington a 40-page strategy memo that actually wins several battles. Burr performs bravely at the Battle of Quebec but doesn't write about it. Hamilton is promoted. Burr is not. The first crack appears. Burr's confessional: "I’m not saying merit isn’t important. I’m saying that merit shouldn’t require a 40-page memo." Hamilton’s confessional: "The memo was only 38 pages. Two of those were citations."

The Federalist Papers (and the Guy Who Didn't Write Any)

Hamilton announces he’s writing a series of essays defending the Constitution. He asks Burr to co-author them. Burr declines because he "hasn’t decided if the Constitution is good yet." Hamilton writes 51 of the 85 essays himself. In six months. While also being a lawyer and father. Burr reads them and says, "These are well-reasoned." He does not specify which side he thinks is well-reasoned. Jefferson, from France, writes a letter saying the essays are too pro-federal. Madison, who co-authored them, starts agreeing with Jefferson. Hamilton adds this to his list of betrayals. The list is now 7 pages long.

Treasury vs. Literally Everyone

Hamilton becomes Secretary of the Treasury and proposes a national bank, federal assumption of state debts, and a whiskey tax. Everyone hates at least one of these things. Jefferson and Madison form an opposition party. Burr says he can "see both sides." Hamilton writes a 90-page rebuttal to every objection. Washington rubs his temples. His confessional is just 30 seconds of temple-rubbing followed by: "I crossed the Delaware. In December. In a rowboat. For this." The dinner scene where Hamilton, Jefferson, and Madison make the Compromise of 1790 is reality TV gold — three men who despise each other, eating in silence, negotiating the location of the nation’s capital over dessert.

The Return of Jefferson

Jefferson returns from France with new furniture, new wine, and an entirely new political philosophy designed to oppose everything Hamilton has done. He starts the Democratic-Republican Party with Madison. Hamilton starts calling them "the French disease party" in his confessionals. Burr, sensing an opportunity, starts attending both parties’ events. Jefferson’s confessional (from his chaise lounge): "Alexander Hamilton wants to turn this republic into a monarchy with himself as king. I simply want to preserve liberty, democracy, and the right of states to govern themselves. Also, he’s a terrible dinner companion." Hamilton’s confessional is 4 hours long. The producers fast-forward through 3 hours and 47 minutes of it.

The Reynolds Pamphlet

The most explosive episode in the season. Hamilton is accused of financial corruption. Instead of quietly denying it (Burr’s suggestion), Hamilton publishes a 95-page pamphlet admitting to an extramarital affair to prove the financial charges are false. He essentially says: "I’m not a thief, I’m an adulterer." The studio audience gasps. Eliza burns his letters on camera. Burr, for the first time in the entire show, states a clear opinion: "That was the worst decision I have ever witnessed." Jefferson’s confessional is just him laughing for 3 minutes straight. Washington refuses to comment. His confessional is him staring into the camera for 15 seconds, then standing up and walking out of the frame.

The Election of 1800

Burr and Jefferson tie in the presidential election. The decision goes to the House of Representatives. Hamilton — who hates Jefferson — campaigns against Burr because he hates Burr more. "At least Jefferson has principles," Hamilton tells the confessional camera. "Wrong principles, terrible principles, but principles nonetheless. Burr has the political ideology of a weather vane." Hamilton’s lobbying works. Jefferson becomes President. Burr becomes Vice President. Burr’s confessional: "I lost the presidency because my former friend campaigned against me. I have thoughts about this. I will not share them." He pauses. "Yet."

Washington's Exit Interview

Washington retires from the show. His farewell confessional is the emotional centerpiece of the season. "I have served this nation for eight years. I have mediated between men who should be allies and have chosen to be enemies. I have watched Alexander write things he should not write and Aaron say nothing when he should speak. I am tired. I am going home to Mount Vernon. I am going to sit on my porch. And if anyone sends me a letter about political parties, I will use it to start a fire." He pauses. "God help this republic." The studio audience cries. Hamilton cries. Burr nods respectfully. Jefferson, from his chaise lounge, raises a glass.

The Newspaper Wars

Without Washington to mediate, Hamilton and Burr descend into open warfare via competing newspapers. Hamilton funds the New-York Evening Post (which still exists as the New York Post) to attack Burr. Burr funds counter-articles. Hamilton calls Burr "a dangerous man who ought not to be trusted with the reins of government" at a dinner party. This quote is reported in a newspaper. Burr reads it. His confessional is the most terrifying 60 seconds of the season: he sits in complete silence, perfectly still, for the entire minute. Then he says: "I would like to have a conversation with Mr. Hamilton. In person. Privately." The producers start to worry.

The Finale at Weehawken

The season finale. July 11, 1804. Weehawken, New Jersey. Hamilton and Burr face each other at dawn with pistols. This is not a metaphor. This is not a challenge. This is the actual finale. Hamilton fires first — and misses. Deliberately, by most accounts. He fires into the trees. Burr does not miss. Hamilton is hit in the abdomen. He dies the next day. His final confessional, recorded on his deathbed: "I have lived my life with too many words. I regret none of them. Except, perhaps, the ones about Burr at that dinner party." Burr’s final confessional, recorded days later, is the only time in the entire season he shows emotion. His voice breaks once. "I did not want this. But he left me no choice. He wrote about me. He wrote about me constantly. And words have consequences." He pauses. "I won the duel. I lost everything else." Text on screen: "Aaron Burr was charged with murder. He served out his term as Vice President. He died at 80, alone and forgotten. Hamilton is on the $10 bill."