Missing Persons Task Force · Emergency Briefing
Emergency
Briefing
A clownfish father calls an emergency meeting after his son is kidnapped by a diver. The task force includes a fish who can't remember anything, three recovering shark addicts, and a sea turtle whose connection keeps buffering.
There are 200 slides. Seventeen of them are just photos of Nemo with the caption "THIS IS MY SON." Dory cannot remember any of them. Bruce is trying very hard not to eat anyone.
Meeting Invite
Subject: URGENT — MY SON IS MISSING — EMERGENCY BRIEFING — THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When: NOW. Right now. Immediately. Every second counts.
Where: The Drop-Off (crime scene) then open ocean (en route to Sydney)
Attendees: Marlin (father, lead), Dory (volunteer — unclear on mission parameters)
Remote: Bruce, Anchor, Chum (sharks — "fish are friends" disclaimer attached), Crush (EAC, connection unstable), Gill (secure channel, dentist's fish tank, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney)
Dial-In: Ocean current relay. Connection quality depends on tides, whale migration, and whether Crush remembers to unmute.
Agenda: 1) Confirm missing fish identity 2) Review intelligence 3) Assess resources 4) Develop rescue strategy 5) 200-slide presentation (mandatory, no exceptions)
Pre-Read: 200-slide deck attached. Dory is exempt from the pre-read requirement for obvious reasons.
Agenda Items
What We Were Supposed to Cover
Four items on the agenda. Dory forgot three of them. The sharks got distracted by hunger.
Confirm Identity and Last Known Location of Missing Fish
Subject: Nemo. Species: Ocellaris clownfish. Distinguishing feature: one fin significantly smaller than the other (referred to as his "lucky fin" by his father, who is presenting this briefing, and who is visibly not OK). Last seen: the Drop-Off, approximately 9:42 AM, being scooped into a bag by a human diver wearing a mask and snorkel. Direction of travel: up. Toward the surface. Which is where the humans live. Which is where clownfish should never go.
Review Intelligence on Human Vessel and Destination
A diver mask was recovered from the ocean floor bearing an inscription: "P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney." This is our only lead. Dory has memorized the address. She has also forgotten it. She has re-memorized it. She has forgotten it again. She is currently muttering it under her breath on a loop. This is simultaneously our greatest asset and our most significant operational risk.
Assess Available Resources and Allies
Current task force consists of: Marlin (father, no combat experience, extreme anxiety), Dory (volunteer, enthusiastic, cannot remember anything for more than thirty seconds), three sharks in a twelve-step program (Bruce, Anchor, Chum — have pledged "fish are friends, not food" but compliance is inconsistent), a sea turtle named Crush who controls a major ocean current (the EAC), and Gill (secure channel from inside the target location — a dentist's fish tank at 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney).
Develop Rescue Strategy and Timeline
Marlin has prepared a comprehensive rescue strategy across 200 PowerPoint slides. The presentation includes detailed maps, risk assessments, contingency plans, and seventeen slides that are just photos of Nemo with the caption "THIS IS MY SON." Estimated mission duration: unknown. Marlin would like it noted that every second counts and also that he would like to speak to the ocean's manager about safety protocols at the Drop-Off.
Official Record
Full Meeting Transcript
Transcribed by Dory, who forgot she was transcribing after the first sentence. Re-transcribed from memory by Marlin, who remembers everything and wishes he didn't.
MARLIN (TASK FORCE LEAD)
Thank you all for coming. My name is Marlin. I am a clownfish. I am not funny. That is not what clownfish means and I need everyone to stop making that joke, especially right now, because my son has been taken by humans and I am holding it together by a very thin thread.
I have prepared a presentation. It is 200 slides. I understand that is a lot. I do not care. My son is missing. You will sit through all 200 slides. Slide one: this is Nemo. He is small. He has a lucky fin. He is the most important fish in the ocean. Next slide.
DORY
Hi! I'm Dory! I just want to say I am SO happy to be here at this — wait, what are we doing? Why is everyone looking at a picture of a little fish? He's cute! Is this a birthday party?
Oh wait, I remember now. We're looking for — um — give me a second — Fabio? No. Elmo? No. NEMO! We're looking for Nemo! P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney! I remember! … What was the question?
MARLIN
Dory, we've been over this. Please try to stay focused. Can you remember the previous slide?
DORY
What previous slide?
MARLIN
The one I just showed. Ten seconds ago. With Nemo's photo.
You know what, never mind. Slide 14. Risk Assessment. The journey from the reef to Sydney involves crossing open ocean, navigating the East Australian Current, avoiding jellyfish fields, and potentially being eaten by —
Actually, let me skip ahead. Slides 15 through 31 are just different types of things that could eat us. I listed them alphabetically. Anglerfish. Barracudas. We don't need to go through all of them right now. The point is: everything is trying to kill us.
BRUCE (SHARK — VIA UNDERWATER CONFERENCE CALL)
G'day, mates! Bruce here. Before we begin, I'd like to read the standard disclaimer. Ahem.
"I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food."
Right, disclaimer done. Now, what are we talking about? A missing fish? That's terrible. Truly terrible. I would never — sorry, is anyone else hungry? No? Just me? OK, moving on.
ANCHOR (SHARK)
I just want to say, I haven't eaten a fish in three weeks. Three weeks! That's a personal record. I've been eating kelp. Do you know what kelp tastes like? It tastes like nothing. It tastes like the ocean's apology for not being food.
But I'm committed. Fish are friends. I keep telling myself that. Fish are friends. Fish are friends. Fish are — is that a tuna? Sorry. Sorry. False alarm. It was a rock.
CHUM (SHARK)
I brought a fish to the meeting. As a FRIEND. His name is Gerald. Say hi, Gerald. He's not saying hi because he fainted when he saw me, but he'll come around. We're going to be great mates.
Anyway, how can we help find this Nemo kid? I know some currents. I know some shortcuts. I also know some places where fish tend to congregate in large, delicious — I mean, in large, FRIENDLY groups.
MARLIN
I would like it formally noted that I am deeply uncomfortable being in a meeting with three sharks. The disclaimer was nice but I can see my reflection in Bruce's teeth and it is not reassuring.
Slide 47. Intelligence from inside the target location. Gill, you're on a secure channel from the fish tank. What can you tell us?
GILL (VIA SECURE CHANNEL — DENTIST'S FISH TANK)
Listen up. I've been in this tank for years. I know the layout. I know the enemy. The enemy is a dentist named Philip Sherman. He is not a bad man but he has terrible taste in aquarium decorations and he keeps tapping the glass, which is a war crime as far as I'm concerned.
Nemo is here. He's alive. He's scared but he's tough. He's got the lucky fin but he's using it. Kid's got heart.
Now here's my escape plan. I've been workshopping it for five years. It involves jamming the tank filter with a pebble, forcing the dentist to put us in plastic bags for cleaning, and then rolling off the counter, out the window, across the street, and into the harbor. I call it Operation: Get Out Of This Godforsaken Tank.
DORY
That plan is amazing! I love plans! What was the plan again?
Also, I just want to say, I feel like we're really making progress here. I don't remember what progress we've made, but the vibes are positive.
CRUSH (VIA THE EAC — KEEPS BUFFERING)
Duuuude! Crush here! I'm riding the EAC right now and the connection is — *static* — totally radical, bro! So you need to get to — *static* — Sydney? The current goes right there! Just hop on and — *static* — ride it, dude!
Fair warning though, the exit is — *static* — kind of intense. You basically get launched out at like — *static* — forty knots. Some fish don't make it. But like, most do! Probably! The turtles love it. My son Squirt does it for fun. He's a hundred and fifty. Young at heart though.
Also, is anyone else — *static* — sorry, a whale just passed by. Where was I? Oh right, the current. Just keep — *static* —
DORY
Just keep what? SWIMMING! Just keep swimming! I don't know why I said that but it felt right. Can that be our motto? I feel like that should be our motto.
Wait, who are all of you? Why am I in a meeting? Is there cake?
MARLIN
Dory, PLEASE. Slide 112. The jellyfish field. According to my research, the most direct route to Sydney passes through a massive jellyfish field spanning approximately three nautical miles. Estimated survival probability: very low. Pain level: extremely high. Alternative route adds six days.
I have made a pros-and-cons list. The pros column for the jellyfish route has one item: "faster." The cons column is four pages long and starts with "death."
BRUCE
Mate, you're overthinking this. Just swim through. Sharks do it all the time. Jellyfish can't sting through our — oh wait, you're not a shark. You're a tiny clownfish. Yeah, don't do the jellyfish route. You'll die.
Unless — and hear me out — you ride ON a shark. Like, in my mouth. For protection. It's not eating. It's transportation. Totally different. I would spit you out on the other side. Probably.
MARLIN
Absolutely not. Moving on. Slide 156. Contingency plans in case of whale encounter. This slide just says "PANIC" in large font because I could not think of a strategy for dealing with a whale. They are very large. We are very small. The math does not work.
DORY
Oh! I speak whale! OOOOOOOH HEEEEELLLLOOOOO! See? I'm practically fluent. If we meet a whale, I've got it covered.
Also, slide 156? We're on slide 156?! How long have I been here? I don't remember slides 1 through 155. Were they good? I bet they were good.
GILL
Listen, I don't have much time. The dentist is coming back from lunch. Here's what matters: Nemo is scheduled to be given to the dentist's niece, Darla, in two days. Darla is — and I say this with clinical detachment — a fish killer. She shakes the bag. She shook her last fish to death. We are on a deadline and the deadline is: before Darla.
Execute the filter plan. Get Nemo out. I don't care how you get here from the reef but get here. Gill out.
MARLIN
OK. I'm going to skip the remaining 44 slides because Gill just told us my son is going to be given to a child who SHAKES THE BAG and I am having a panic attack on a cellular level. Every single cell in my body is panicking individually.
Here is the plan: Dory and I swim to Sydney. We take the EAC. We avoid jellyfish. We avoid whales. We avoid sharks — no offense Bruce. We get to 42 Wallaby Way. We get Nemo. We go home. Questions?
DORY
Yes! Where are we going?
MARLIN
Meeting adjourned. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.
Deliverables
Action Items
Six action items. One assigned to a fish who will forget it within thirty seconds. One assigned to sharks who might eat the task force.
Travel from the Great Barrier Reef to Sydney, Australia via the East Australian Current
In Progress — departed immediately after meeting. Dory has already forgotten the destination twice.
Execute Operation: Get Out Of This Godforsaken Tank — jam the filter, force bag transfer, roll to harbor
Planning phase — five years in development. First attempt pending.
Provide safe passage through shark-controlled waters for the task force
Tentatively committed. Compliance with fish-are-friends pledge at 78% and declining.
Facilitate EAC transport for Marlin and Dory with safe exit near Sydney
Confirmed. Crush reports current conditions are "totally tubular, dude."
Remember the address: P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney
Remembering status: intermittent. Repeating address on a loop. Effectiveness: unknown.
Stop being so overprotective and trust that Nemo can handle himself
Not started. Currently panicking at a cellular level.
Post-Meeting Communication
Follow-Up Email
From: Marlin <marlin@reef.ocean>
To: Missing Persons Task Force
CC: Gill (secure channel), Crush (if the EAC has email), Bruce (read-only access — do NOT reply all)
Subject: RE: Emergency Briefing — Mission Update — DO NOT REPLY ALL, BRUCE
Team,
Quick update from the field. We are approximately halfway to Sydney and I want to share some lessons learned.
Lesson 1: The jellyfish field was worse than my 4-page cons list suggested. Dory bounced on them like trampolines. I blacked out. We survived. I don't know how.
Lesson 2: We were swallowed by a whale. A WHALE. My slide 156 that just said "PANIC" turned out to be the correct strategy. Dory claims she spoke to the whale in whale language. The whale sneezed us out through its blowhole into Sydney Harbor. I cannot verify any of this but we are now in Sydney so something worked.
Lesson 3: Dory has forgotten who I am three times today. Each time, I re-introduce myself. Each time, she is delighted to meet me. On the one hand, this is operationally challenging. On the other hand, it is the purest form of friendship I have ever experienced.
We are now in Sydney Harbor. We can see the dental office. Nemo is close. I can feel it.
Bruce — I see your reply-all about the "fish transportation service." I am not interested. Please stop offering to carry fish in your mouth. It is not a service. It is a threat.
Gill — status update on the filter plan? We are in position and ready for extraction.
Dory wanted to add something to this email. She said, and I quote: "Just keep swimming! Also, who are you and why are we sending an email?"
We're close. We're going to get him back.
— Marlin
P.S. The 44 slides I skipped at the end of my presentation covered post-rescue therapy recommendations. We are all going to need therapy after this. Especially me. Especially Dory. Especially the whale.
Just Keep Swimming
A 200-slide presentation. Three recovering sharks. A sea turtle with a bad connection. A fish who can't remember anything. And a father who crossed an entire ocean because his son needed him. The meeting was chaos. The mission was impossible. They just kept swimming.
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