Shrek's
Google Search History

how to get people off my property legally

The first search of every day. Fairy tale creatures keep showing up. He did not invite them.

no trespassing signs bulk order

He has ordered 347 signs. They keep getting stolen by fairy tale creatures who cannot read.

swamp property tax rates

He pays taxes on a swamp. The tax assessor is afraid to visit. The assessment is a guess.

is a swamp considered wetland or residential

Zoning laws do not account for ogres. This is a gap in the municipal code.

earwax candle recipe

He makes candles from his own earwax. This is canon. We did not invent this.

mud bath benefits for skin

His skincare routine is a mud bath. Dermatologists hate this one trick. His skin is flawless.

onion recipes

He eats onions for every meal. They have layers. Like ogres. He has explained this.

do ogres have layers

He is Googling his own metaphor. He wants to make sure he got it right.

why do people think ogres are scary

He is genuinely confused. He just wants to be left alone in his swamp.

do donkeys ever stop talking

The answer is no. He has known this for years. He searches it anyway, hoping the answer will change.

how to tell donkey to leave nicely

He is trying the diplomatic approach. This is character growth.

how to tell donkey to leave meanly

The diplomatic approach lasted two minutes.

why is donkey still here

A genuine existential question. Donkey has been asked to leave 4,712 times. He is still here.

best friend definition

He is reading the definition. He is thinking about Donkey. He will never admit this.

privacy fence for swamp

A 40-foot privacy fence. Around the entire swamp. He has priced it. It is expensive.

moat around property cost estimate

His swamp IS a moat. He wants a moat around the moat. Double moat.

hermit lifestyle tips

He is a hermit who keeps accidentally making friends. The worst kind of hermit.

Duloc Yelp reviews

One star. "Too clean. Too organized. The ruler is compensating for something." He wrote this review.

Lord Farquaad height

He searches this when he needs a laugh. The answer never stops being funny to him.

swamp stew recipe for two

For two. He is cooking for Fiona. He will not admit it is romantic. It is romantic.

what to cook for wife who used to be a princess

The answer is not swamp stew. He is going to make swamp stew anyway.

couples therapy near swamp

No results within 50 miles. The closest therapist is in Far Far Away. That is too far far away.

is it normal to marry a princess who turns into an ogre

Google says there is no data on this. He is the data.

how to say I love you when you're bad with words

He is terrible with words. He shows love through swamp stew and aggressive protectiveness.

baby ogre names

Ferlina. Fergus. Felicia. He already has triplets. He is considering names for more.

baby ogre names that aren't scary

He wants names that will not frighten the villagers. This is considerate of him.

how to childproof a swamp

Quicksand, bog pits, and snapping turtles. Childproofing a swamp is a serious engineering challenge.

do ogre babies bite

Yes. Frequently. He is covered in tiny bite marks. He does not mind.

sunset from swamp is it beautiful or am I biased

It is beautiful. He is also biased. Both things can be true.

Puss in Boots what is he up to

He pretends not to care about Puss. He cares deeply about Puss. He will deny this.

Dragon and Donkey babies normal

Donkey has children with a dragon. Shrek is trying to understand the biology. He cannot.

fairy tale creatures rights advocacy

After Lord Farquaad relocated them, he started caring about their rights. Quietly.

lullabies for ogre babies

He sings to his children. His singing voice is terrible. The babies love it.

Fiona birthday present ideas

Fiona's birthday is next week. He wants to get her something special. He will probably make her swamp stew.

why do I like having friends now

The most vulnerable search in his history. He wanted to be alone. He is no longer alone. He is glad.

how to tell someone you're glad they didn't leave

This is about Donkey. And Fiona. And Puss. And all of them. He will say this to none of them.