The Smart Bulbs That Turned My Apartment Into a Nightclub

I bought four Lumiman smart bulbs for $20 because I wanted to say 'Alexa, set the living room to warm white' and feel like I was living in the future. Four bulbs. Twenty dollars. Sixteen million colors. What could go wrong?

Everything.

The warm white setting produces a color I'd describe as 'hospital corridor at 3am.' It's not warm. It's not even white. It's a sickly yellow that makes everyone look like they have jaundice. My daughter asked why the lights were 'yucky.' She's two. Even she knew.

The color modes are fun for approximately one evening. I set the living room to purple. Then blue. Then a 'sunset' scene that looked like the inside of a lava lamp. My apartment looked like a nightclub for toddlers. The novelty wore off. I went back to warm white. The jaundice returned.

Worse: these bulbs use WiFi, and they use it badly. Each bulb is a WiFi device. Four bulbs = four devices fighting for bandwidth on your router. They disconnect randomly. 'Alexa, turn off the bedroom light.' 'The device is not responding.' Cool, I'll just get up and use the light switch like a caveman.

Philips Hue uses Zigbee protocol through a dedicated bridge. The bulbs talk to the bridge. The bridge talks to your router. Your WiFi isn't involved. They stay connected. The warm white actually looks warm — like sunset through a window, not like a DMV waiting room.

Yes, the starter kit is $135. Yes, you'll spend $500 on Hue bulbs within a year. Yes, it becomes a personality trait. But at least your apartment won't look like a crime scene when you ask for warm lighting.