The Resistance Bands That Came With a PhD
“I bought the $40 set with handles, ankle straps, a door anchor, and a carrying bag. I use the medium and heavy bands. That's it. The Fit Simplify set is $10, has 67,000 reviews, and does 90% of what I need. Mark Sisson would be disappointed in my accessory-to-exercise ratio.”
WSAKOUE Pull Up Assistance Bands Set (5 Bands, 150lbs Max)
14,832 reviews
Pros
- +Five color-coded resistance levels
- +Handles, ankle straps, door anchor included
- +Carrying bag that makes you feel professional
- +Heavy-duty latex — actually durable
Cons
- -$40 for rubber bands when I mostly use two of the five
- -The door anchor makes you question your living situation
- -So many accessories I needed a YouTube tutorial to figure out what they're for
- -The carrying bag implies I leave the house to work out (I don't)
Fit Simplify Resistance Loop Exercise Bands (Set of 5)
67,234 reviews
Pros
- +67,000+ reviews — basically a national movement
- +Five levels, color-coded, simple
- +Ten dollars. A Hamilton. One sawbuck.
- +Small enough to throw in any bag
- +Perfect for travel, beach workouts, or pretending to work out
Cons
- -Lighter resistance — serious lifters may need more
- -They're loop bands, not long bands
- -Will eventually snap if you're aggressive (like me)
The Story
I went full primal lifestyle — read all of Mark Sisson's stuff, started doing bodyweight exercises on Miami Beach at sunrise. Very inspirational. Very Instagram. Then I decided I needed resistance bands.
Naturally, I bought the most accessorized set on Amazon. Five bands, two handles, two ankle straps, a door anchor, and a carrying bag. It arrived in a box the size of a small suitcase. I spent 20 minutes sorting through the accessories. Then I Googled 'how to use door anchor resistance bands' and immediately regretted attaching one to my bathroom door because the door doesn't close properly anymore.
I use two of the five bands. Medium and heavy. That's it. I don't use the ankle straps. I don't use the door anchor anymore (see: bathroom door). The handles are fine but honestly I just grip the bands directly.
The Fit Simplify set is ten dollars. Loop bands. Five resistance levels. Sixty-seven thousand reviews. You put them around your legs or arms and you exercise. No door anchor. No ankle straps. No existential crisis about bathroom doors. Sometimes the best gear is the simplest gear.
The Lesson
Resistance bands don't need accessories. Your body is the accessory. Save $30 and buy the simple loops.
Affiliate Disclosure: Links on this page go to Amazon and include an affiliate tag. If you buy something, I earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. This is an honest comparison of products I've actually used. Product details, prices, ratings, and review counts are approximate and may be outdated. This page was created with AI assistance. Not professional product advice — just one guy's experience.
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Glen's Musings — AI, investing, and building things. Occasional. Free.
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