U helped me set up this thing, and it’s friggin cool
here’s what my latest update is.. i’m single.. and here’s why i guess.. good stuff
she says, over the internet? haha, how great is that.. she has me sit down and read it, she won’t even tell me.
blah
[Oct. 16th, 200502:36 pm]
i dont even feel 100% sober yet lol, starting thursday, i drank a total 24 shots and 3 beers. well i guess i built up my tolerance from this summer and just had way to much crazy fun this weekend with my sisters. but it seems that when im in that stage of the point right after being drunk, when i start to sober up, i get emotional. this is pretty unusual because im always a happy drunk. but ive just had so much to think about lately. i feel like the biggest bitch in the world…about 10 people that know glen told me that he seemed really sad this weekend. its not like glen to be sad, hes so happy and crazy all the time. it hurts me so much to hurt him. but i did and i cant take it back. he’s such a great guy and i think he deserves someone who returns his feelings to the same degree. i mean that i care about him because we’re pretty close but i dont like him as much as he likes me. its not that he’s not up to my standards or whatever, he is, but its that im not letting myself get attached to someone again. at this moment in time, i want to have fun, go out, hook up with random guys lol, date random people. glen is someone that i would go out with for a long time. he’s the type of guy that i would settle down with later in college, not freshman year. i feel so terrible for doing this, but its not fair to him because im not returning his feelings completely. he says that he doesnt care that i hook up with other guys or even that i did stuff with garrett when i went home. maybe it doesnt bother him enough to break up with me, but i know it bothers a lot. i just actually talked to anto on the phone and she’s in relatively the same situation im in. okay, glen is long term boyfriend material, but i just to got to college and im meeting tons of new people, its not that i want to have sex with all the hot guys at fiji and sigma chi lol, its that i dont want to feel bad dancing and getting to know other guys. even if he doesnt care if i do, im not ready for another intense relatioship because i know i could get attached again and i dont want that so soon. its better to end it now than pretend for longer and break his heart even more. but i dont want to lose him all together. i have fun when im with glen and i enjoy his company and i think that we would make an awesome couple sometime in the future, but im just not ready for it now. i want a great friendship from him. i still want to hang out, party, do homework, eat dinner, and watch football games (even tho we suck major ass this year) with him. i still want it to be as laid back as it was before, just without the attachment. so there it is, i got it all out…im a major bitch :(also im losing my voice and i have to give a speech tomorrow
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drunck as fucl
[Oct. 14th, 200502:17 am]
i just told glen everything i feeel so samn guilty about it i cant stop crying, im miss garrett so much, i think i just want to be friends with glen for now, im not ready for another relationship even tho i seem like i mean so much to him and omg i saw a sigma chi pledge wearing rainbows at the party and he was hot, he said he has 5 pairs! like holy shit yes. but anyway i miss garrett. i feel bad for even going out with glen in the first place because i was just replacing him for garrett. im so emotionally distressed right now. but im not ready for glen yet. i just need more time. i need to just go out and have fun, and try to forget about garrett, geeze i fucking hate garretts, theyve caused me so much trouble. im stumbling, bawling, contemplating, drunk as fuck. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. what am i going to do with myself? what the fuck did i get myself into, i seem to do this all the time, i know it would happebn, fuuck drama. im theone creatingit cuk,. im goin to sleep and crying more,. i miss garrett.
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